Wisconsin Dells, WI Waterpark / Golf Weekend

by Fat Guy

Wisconsin would be among the last places you'd guess would be the World Capital of Waterparks, but it is. Wisconsin Dells' rivers and lakes have been a summertime cooling-off spot for tourists since the 1850's, and the first duck boat tours started here in 1946. The waterpark heritage started with the opening of a park called Noah's Ark (www.noahsarkwaterpark.com) in 1979. Noah's Ark went on to grow into the world's largest outdoor waterpark. Seeing the success of Noah's, the Polynesian Resort Hotel (www.dellspolynesian.com) factored in the tough Wisconsin winters and did them one better by opening the world's first indoor waterpark in 1994.

With the business model established, three more waterpark resorts sprung up, and now there are 5 major water-themed destinations in Wisconsin Dells, plus a few smaller water attractions.

These mark a new level of waterpark resort... nearly all the Dells' resorts have massive, world-class indoor and outdoor water parks with a myriad of wicked slides, fake palms, and specific play areas for all ages: toddlers, young children, 'tweens, teens, and adults. Plus multiple restaurants, and a wide menu of lodging options from standard rooms to family suites. Some have golf courses on-site, full-service spas, arcades, go-carts, and mini-golf. There's also outlet shopping and casino gambling in town. Dads know the value of a spot where you can let your kids run free, shriek to their heart's content, and be relatively safe from abduction and drowning, while you can belly up to the bar and catch a game guilt-free after sneaking off for an early morning 9 holes. Here's the best waterpark bars (and golf) in The Dells:

Wilderness Territory (www.wildernessresort.com) is a mind-boggling mega waterpark resort that appears on lists like Travel Channel's "Most Extreme" and "Top 10". Massive indoor and outdoor water parks, a wave pool, kiddie areas, 4 restaurants, 4 bars, and legions of lodging options.

Their Thirsty Buffalo Sports Bar & Grill is a Western-themed sports center with stone walls, bleached longhorn skulls, and plasmas. For dinner, hit the resort's Vegasy white table cloth yet kid-friendly Field's Premier Steakhouse. Make it a full weekend at one of the 6 hotels on-site. Choose to stay right at the water park, at the golf course, at the spa (with a steamy heated outdoor infinity pool perfect for snowy winter couples' getaways), or out in nature, and tailor your room choice to fit most budgets.

Tee it up at the Wildnerness Territory's Wild Rock GC (www.wildrockgolf.com). Named as Golf Magazine's #5 Best New course of 2008. The design team of Hurdan & Fry carved a varied parkland course out of the wilderness, with dramatic elevation changes, plenty of Kodak moments, rock outcroppings, and the off-season fees are only $45. Plus there are golf villas, a spa for your golf widow, and a hilltop log cabin grill room. There's also an executive 9-hole family course perfect for drying out your budding young golfers.

Wild Rock GC

The Kalahari Resort (www.kalahariresorts.com) is an African-jungle-themed family entertainment orgy with indoor and outdoor water parks, a hip bowling alley, elevated go-cart track, an indoor ferris wheel, Skee ball and arcade games.

Tell the family they can find you at Kalahari's Kahunaville tiki bar, with Cocktail-style bottle flipping bartenders, great steaks and chops, and family-oriented sing-a-long shows.

Or catch the game on a massive screen with individual volume control and a rack of ribs at the on-site Damon's.

Play Kalahari's Trappers Turn GC (www.trappersturn.com) designed by Andy North and Roger Packard. 27 holes and 4-1/2 starts by Golf Digest, with creek-lined rolling elevation changes and valley meadow holes.

They also have GPS on the carts, a massive learning center, and an expansive high-end man cave grill room (think pool tables, electronic darts, Golden Tee, gilded gold ceilings, hearty studded leather chairs, and upscale fare).

Chula Vista's (www.chulavistaresort.com) indoor water park has spiraling slides, multi-level water cannon towers, Mayan temples, and massive shower head fountains.

The outdoor area has a wave pool, kiddie lazy river, and mini golf. There's also shopping, go-carts, and a spa. Their rooms come in a myriad of styles like golf villas and condos, while their suites come in 5 flavors: Junior, Family, Presidential, Jacuzzi, and Themed (Pirates Of The Carribean, African Safari, etc.) Imagine a day like this... The kids jump out of bed without any nagging, you get to spend a couple hours with them in the morning in rare "cool Dad" status, you sneak off for a quick 9 holes while Mom corrals them for lunch, then you take over kid watch duty from the poolside Steamboat Rock Bar & Grill, and finish it off with dinner at the Kaminski Brothers Chop House, then finally a little privacy for Mom & Dad in your family suite after bedtime. Ah, actual life balance in a single day. Priceless.

Golf is close at the resort's Cold Water Canyon GC (www.wisconsindellsgolf.com). The original 9 is a classic layout circa 1923, recently redesigned alongside a moguled, linksy back 9, with free club rentals for resort guests.

The Polynesian Water Park Resort's (www.dellspolynesian.com) indoor water area is a little more plain--white walls and concrete--than some of the other area resorts, but their outdoor water rides are colorful and more engaging. For lack of other alternatives, hang at the Polynesian's Aloha Bar & Grill, a simple 6-seater that's not half as tikified as the name would imply, and the kiddie options on the menu make it less of an escape than the other resorts listed here.

Polynesian Resort

Great Wolf Lodge (www.greatwolf.com) is a nationwide chain of 12 waterpark resorts. Their Wisconsin Dells location is their flagship, with indoor water areas for toddlers, young kids, tweens, teens, and adults.

Their pricey family suites come with cabin-like bunk beds the kids will love, but don't provide much respite for Mom and Dad. There's also a spa for Mom, and a special spa designed just for the kids (like they need anymore coddling and pampering, right?). The poolside Wolf's Den lets you keep an eye on the little ones, or the Loose Moose Bar & Grill is perfect for sports watching.

Great Wolf doesn't have a golf course on-site, so take the kids for a quick 9 at Fairfield Hills Executive GC in nearby Barbaroo.