Resident PGA Tour pro Charley Hoffman's Perfect Day of Vegas Golf (Hoffman is the guy with the rangy blond mullet and green Riddler shoes):  "If I'm playing late, it's off to the Original Pancake House (www.originalpancakehouse.com), where you gotta try the German pancakes with powdered sugar and lemon juice. After breakfast, the TPC Canyons (www.tpc.com/canyons) is my favorite public course. They treat you like royalty, it's always in good shape, and it's generous off the tee. On a hot day, order a frosty beverage at the Beach Pool at Mandalay Bay (www.mandalaybay.com). For dinner, go with Joe's Stone Crab (www.icon.com/joes/las_vegas) at Caesars. To watch a big game, hit the sports book at the Bellagio (www.bellagio.com) which has leather lounge chairs — and you have a whole TV to yourself!"

Golf Digest Senior Editor Matty G's Vegas Picks:  "A little over an hour away in Mesquite NV is Wolf Creek, No. 21 on Golf Digest’s list of America’s 100 Greatest Publics.  But the brand of golf, straight from a Bud Chapman painting, is too over the top for me. I prefer all three Pete Dye courses at Paiute (45 minutes from the Strip), both Tom Fazio’s at Primm Valley (an hour from the Strip), and Royal Links. Based on a cheesy concept (18 holes from 11 of the British Open rota courses), Royal Links is close (10 minutes), it’s not bad, and that’s the course that offers Par Mates, the sexy female caddies in little kiltish skirts with an emphasis on keeping your equipment clean—they don’t actually carry your clubs, but they will wash your irons, balls, hold the flag, and flirt throughout the round." Fat Guy Note: The company of a Par Mate is a steal at $225 (plus a likely-sizeable, drunken, 5-hour-round tip, www.waltersgolf.com/par-mates-caddy-program.asp, reserve 72 hours in advance), and they're also available at sister courses Bali Hai and Desert Pines, as well as a similar T-Mates program at Rio Secco (www.riosecco.net/sites/courses/layout9.asp?id=604&page=32616).

From Golf Digest Apr 05:
Near Las Vegas McCarron International Airport
REALLY CLOSE BY: Bali Hai G.C. (5160 Las Vegas Blvd. S.; 888-427-6678; seven minutes, four miles; $245-$295; not yet rated) is so close to the runway, you feel as if you need to hit knockdowns to avoid the planes. Caddies are available at Bali Hai, which features 2,500 transplanted palm trees and brilliant white-sand bunkers. On the downside, it's one of the most expensive courses in the country and too cramped for a driving range. [Fat Guy Note:  Play Bali Hai now while you can. Rumors floating around Vegas whisper the course may be sold to make way for a commercial and industrial park by 2013-14.]

WORTH CONSIDERING: Vegas National G.C. (1911 E. Desert Inn Road, Henderson; 702-734-1796; 11 minutes, five miles; $125-$150) is cheap compared to Bali Hai, and some say better. But it falls short in terms of conditioning. It gets a lot of play, so call ahead to make sure you can get a time.

IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE EXTRA TIME:  Rio Secco G.C. (2851 Grand Hills Drive, Henderson; 702-777-2400; 16 minutes, 10 miles; $225-$275, Rio Hotel guests only?) is headquarters for Butch Harmon, ranked No. 1 on Golf Digest's list of America's 50 Greatest Teachers. Although expensive, the course is terrific, winding through rocky canyons and desert scrub.

LOOKING FOR A GOOD RANGE? Callaway Golf Center (6730 Las Vegas Blvd S.; 702-896-4100; six minutes, four miles) is a lighted practice facility very close to the airport with a par-3 course, putting greens and driving range.

Best Vegas Golf Values: For those who already owe the house a few bucks, Vegas' best value is the recently reworked '60's Tour stop Wildhorse GC (formerly Paradise Valley CC, $60-$80, www.americangolf.com) in nearby Henderson. If you're going for the full-on Swingers/Rat Pack vibe throughout your trip, your only choice is Las Vegas National. Built in 1961 and originally known as the Stardust Country Club, this track hosted PGA tournaments for 20 years, the Rat Pack hung here back in the '60's, Tiger cashed his first pro check here, scenes from Casino were filmed in a house just off the 1st fairway, and you can play it on an off-season, perfect-for-hungover 1:30 PM twilight rate for $40. Straightforward, old school golf. Golf Magazine's Travellin' Joe says, "Among the best of Vegas' second-tier courses is The Legacy GC ($75-$119, www.thelegacygc.com, Arthur Hills, Henderson). Burly but playable, mountain and desert vistas, lined with houses, quality service, and a memorable stretch of holes from #'s 10-13." Golf Magazine also likes the (relative) value at Boulder Creek ($100-$145 but half price for locals, with arroyos, lakes, and beach bunkers), Aliante GC ($60-$130, roomy, mountain vistas), Angel Park (Mountain Course, $75-$155, ample fairways, canyon views, great par-5s, great restaurant), LV Paiute Wolf ($90-$100 if played with a local resident), and Rhodes Ranch ($75-$150, Palm Srings oasis style, waterfalls and tropical touches).

Best Of The Rest: Desert Inn, Primm Valley, Bear's Best, Desert Pines, The Falls, Revere @ Anthem (Lexington or Concord), DragonRidge, or Stallion Mountain.  Also check out www.LasVegasGolf.com (from the folks at TravelGolf.com) for a comprehensive resource on Vegas golf, including plans of attack for playing many local courses, as well as good Vegas travel articles.

Where To Gamble: T&L Golf likes Binion's Horseshoe (www.binions.com) for Old Vegas tradition, Bellagio (www.bellagio.com) for modern oppulence (even the slots are encased in cherry wood), or Rio All-Suite (www.harrahs.com/our_casinos/rlv/).  At Planet Hollywood the music on the casino floor is pumping, and many of the lady dealers are hot bods showing off their assets, while dancers hug and grind poles above them, per WorldGolf.com. Maxim digs the blackjack tables at Hard Rock for the model-hot "Blackjack Belles" dealers, or downtown's Western Hotel & Casino for that cheap low brow Old Vegas Swingers kinda vibe. Speaking of Swingers, you can emulate Trent and Mike's nighttime arrival at the Stardust (3000 Las Vegas Boulevard South), used for the movie's exterior casino shots for it's nearly cartoonish Old Vegas vibe.  Then go kick it old school at the Fremont (3555 Las Vegas Boulevard South), used for the interior shots, including the Paradise Buffet.

ESPN.com's Sports Guy on why the Palms rocks for blackjack:  "I almost hesitate to tell you this, but here's why I love the Palms: it's the best place in Vegas for blackjack. Why? First, it only has old-school six-deck shoes (no evil automatic machines). Second, it's off the Strip and everyone goes there for clubbing, so blackjack is almost an afterthought. (Hence, cheaper tables that are always open -- great if you're with a group and want to have a blackjack marathon, or if you want to hop tables until you find the right dealer.) Third, right around 2:30 or 3 a.m., drunks pour out of the clubs to play blackjack and the unintentional comedy quintuples. If you ever want to watch a cocktail-dress wearing, "X"-taking bimbette double down on a 9 against a 9, try to play cards as she's getting groped by someone who looks like Sasha Vujacic, adjust her thong right before splitting 6s or nearly set the table on fire with a Marlboro Light, well, the Palms is the place for you."

Best Sports Books: T&L Golf recommends LV Hilton (www.lvhilton.com); Maxim gambles on sports at Caesar's (www.caesars.com) or the massive room at the Hilton; Travel Channel likes the sports book at Stardust (www.stardustlv.com); ESPN.com funnyman "Sports Guy" Bill Simmons (www.sports.espn.com/espn/page2/simmons/index) wagers on the NBA at Treasure Island (www.treasureisland.com); and my buddy Vogey digs Bally's sports book lounge.  If it's a heavy betting weekend, like say, March Madness or the NFL playoffs, head for the Tropicana's sports book, which is still run by hand (not computers), so there's rarely a line. Got your heart set on betting on your home team? Call several casinos to ensure you find the best odds on a particular game.

Where To Crash: 

Boy's Golf Weekend and You're Up On The House:  6 words… 2-and-a-half-billion dollars. That's how much they spent building the Wynne LV resort (866-770-7108). A 5-story manmade mountain screens it from the Strip bustle, making it a world unto itself. Legions of restaurants, premium shopping, endless entertainment options, plus a Ferrari dealer right in the hotel. Or splurge and crash at hipness epicenter and home of Celebrity Poker Showdown The Palms (4321 W Flamingo, 866-942-7777, www.palms.com). This is where the Beautiful People crash (assuming by Beautiful People you mean all the mega-hotties in size 2 jeans who'd never give you the time of day), in stylish rooms with big TVs and large bathrooms after taking in sizzling nightlife at The Palms' hotspot clubs Ghostbar and Rain, along with a 20,000 square foot spa and surprisingly affordable lower-end suites. Good value eats, but jam-packed with crowds. The plain-ish pool still draws sick eye candy. The Hard Rock is probably Vegas' wildest hotel with one of the hottest pools, but you'll pay for it's rep as a hotspot, you may feel a little like a second class citizen if you're not one of the Beautiful People, and you'll have to cab it over to the Strip anytime you want to leave its' sexy confines. The Irreverant Guide To Vegas describes the Hard Rock (www.hardrockhotel.com) as "the hipster's Bellagio. Fendi meets Fender guitars in this kitten-with-a-whip décor, where even the staff are effortlessly sexy. However, it's off The Strip, doesn't live up to the hype if you're not an A-lister, and it's no more rock-n'-roll than the corporate offices of The Rolling Stones." Or hit Bret Michaels' pricey Rock Of Love fave, the billion-dollar Red Rock Resort just outside of town. Cool mod rooms to crash in, a club-like bowling alley complete with loungy couches and bottle service, and the bathing suits on the waitresses at Sandbar will draw open-mouthed, stop-in-mid-stride staring.

New for 2010:  Per USA Today, a massive new $8.5 billion hotel/residence/dining/entertainment/ shopping complex called CityCenter began opening properties in December '09. The edgy new city-within-a-city between the Bellagio and Monte Carlo houses 6 major high-end high-rise properties designed by big name architects with a unique 5-degree lean, and an art-laden understated modernist class that leans towards attracting travelers from the Orient. Basically it's like a bigger real-life version of Al Pacino's The Bank from Ocean's 13, but lighter on gaming and heavier on a serene residential experience with top-end retail. Aria is the only casino, 61 stories of un-Vegas in earthy colors and a forest theme with a state of the art smoke-removal system on the casino floor, private VIP gaming areas with $2,000-a-pull slots, a Cirque De Soleil Elvis tribute show, a pricey Chinese restaurant, and a micro-scale version of the Bellagio fountains out front. Hotel/condo tower Vdara is serenity now in Sin City featuring non-smoking kitchen suites with floor-to-ceiling windows (ask for a room with a view of the Bellagio fountains). A rooftop pool and champagne bar complete the experience. The Mandarin Oriental Las Vegas hotel is muted elegance defined, with an Asian-style welcome in the intimate 23rd-floor lobby.  An adjoining tea lounge and bar have great Strip views through 20-foot windows. The three story Crystals retail/entertainment-plex is the latest concept in velvet rope shopping to attract the discerning no-limit spender. Private VIP entrances, ice crystal sculptures, a carpet of flowers that changes seasonally, the most futuristic-looking shops in Vegas, and the largest Louis Vitton and Prada stores in the States. CityCenter was the largest private construction project in the U.S. when it was built, and true to it's location, it's a massive gamble to open in a down economy. City leaders are hoping it will attract a new audience to Vegas and help stimulate other properties rather than steal clientele. And it's more affordable than you'd think, at least right now. Recession-opening room rates ran from $179 and up at Aria and $149 and up at Vdara.

Low Brow Bachelor Party Weekend: Gotta love those orange short-shorts and white tank tops at Hooters (yes, they now have a hotel and casino, www.hooterscasinohotel.com).

Boy's Golf Weekend Good Values:  The Tropicana (www.troplv.com) is the first Vegas hotel to come out of a remodel since the economic downturn of the late Ott's, and they find themselves in the unique position of being the first casino re-do to aim at the midscale demographic. The Trop Vegas (not affiliated with any of the other Trop properties) is now offering freshly remodeled rooms at reasonable prices and done in an organic South Beach motif with 42-inch plasmas and 300-thread-count sheets, plus new restaurants and attractions like Biscayne Steak Sea & Wine, a new Nikki Beach pool club (more details in the Best Pools section below), Brad Garrett's Comedy Club, and the $25 million Las Vegas Mob Experience, which takes you through the rise, heyday, and fall of organized crime in Vegas, with artifacts like Bugsy Seagal's 1933 Packard among others. Travel Channel says Vegas' best value hotel/casino is The Stratosphere (www.stratospherehotel.com), although the surprisingly snooty Irreverent Guide To Vegas says the rooms are "motel-like for motel-like prices", and the area is kinda dicey, recommending a cab to and from the Strip for safety. You'd probably be fine with a foursome of bigger dudes, I just wouldn't stumble back there alone in the wee hours. My buddy Bob says check the internet for good value deals on suites at the surprisingly nice Monte Carlo (www.montecarlo.com). He says, "It's not the Bellagio but it's 4 stars, spotless, fresh flowers everywhere, and they treat you well. A great bang for your buck with standard rooms as low as $59/night and suites as low as $89/night during the week." T&L Golf likes Golden Nugget (www.goldennugget.com), or Regent Las Vegas (www.regentlasvegas.com). For midscale value, Irreverent Guide To Vegas says Luxor is the best bang for your buck, but stay in the new tower, not the original pyramid. John Daly's Vegas fave is Bally's. My buddy Scott says book the new Platinum Towers at MGM Grand, where a $140 weeknight rate gets you a mini-suite with flat screens in both the room and the bathroom, and the entire Towers complex is non-smoking. But like most Vegas digs, the room rates at MGM pretty much double on weekends, so book a Sun-Thurs stay for the best value. My buddy Pat likes the MGM also. Hey, it's the biggest hotel in the world, so they gotta be doing something right, just come mentally prepared for long check-in lines at the front desk.

Golf Digest's Senior Travel Editor Matty G. on Vegas' Big 3 (MGM, The Mirage, and Mandalay Bay):  "By far the best overall combination of accommodations, sportsbook, restaurant options (and topless pools) are at Mandalay Bay (for four nights, double occupancy, we paid $300 per guy). It’s down the Strip a bit, but we only left the property for lunch at In-N-Out, which is close and delicious. The Mirage is second, and the MGM, a little dark and tired, is third. Our eateries of choice, besides In-N-Out: Mizuya, the sushi spot in the middle of the main Mandalay Bay casino. I suggest eating early, thus avoiding a loud '80’s cover band covered in leather and Bon Jovi hairdos singing, well, Bon Jovi songs. (It was as if we were eating in the middle of a Vegas casino, but the food was good.) We also like Lupa (Wolfgang Puck Italian), Border Grill (excellent Mexican) and although we didn’t hit Stripsteak this time through, it’s very good as well. Again, all are on property, but you pay for the convenience, none I’d consider cheap. Overall customer service at Mandalay Bay is less than perfect. So much so it was worth a mention. Times are tough in Vegas right now [3/10] and I was sensing a chip on almost everyone’s delivery."

But per ESPN's Sports Guy, Mandalay is a rip-off, a respite for those with more money than brains. For the money, he likes The Venetian (www.venetian.com) instead. My friends Jeff & Brenda recommend Planet Hollywood Casino & Resort (they're big movie buffs).

Upscale Hotel with the wife/grrlfriend/mistress: Do the no-brainer thing at Bellagio, or crash at the highly-rated 4 Seasons (www.fourseasons.com/lasvegas/index.html).

Hotel w/ Family: T&L Golf likes Mandalay Bay (www.mandalaybay.com). Mandalay has the Strip's biggest standard rooms complete with 42" plasma TVs (who comes to Vegas to watch TV in the room?) and snappy service. 

Vegas Hotel Translation:  It's hard to completely screw this up. Figure out where you're playing golf and what sights you want to see, decide if your crew are "on the Strip" kinda guys or "off-Strip" kinda guys, pick out a few hotel/casinos that you've heard of that are near those locations, talk to friends, do an hour or so of internet research on room rates and travel-site feedback about things like on-site restaurants, customer service, and parking, then go ahead and book it. It may take a few Vegas weekends to ferret out your group's perfect Vegas digs, but even if it's less-than-perfect the first trip or two... you're in Vegas for Chrissake, you're gonna have an unbeliveable time.

Best Pools:  Vegas is the world epicenter of pool bars, where the casinos have re-invented the genre since the mid-90's.  You could easily spend an entire week here doing nothing but playing great golf and hitting a different, jaw-dropping pool bar each day.  Make no mistake, the Vegas pool party scene is all about the under-35 hardbody crowd.

Maxim digs The Sapphire "Euro" pool at Rio.  The name says it all.  Euro means bikini tops are optional, and Sapphire is a Vegas Gentlemen's club (think world's largest, VIP skyboxes, full-service restaurant) that ships in 20-35 dancers each day, where they eat, booze, and tan au naturel at the pool for free (you can pick them out by the pink bracelets). Pool director Mike Kleen brags, "We stock the pond, then the regular guests feel comfortable going topless too. It's contagious."  $50 cover weekends, $30 weekdays. Yes, there are ridiculous covers to get into hot pools in Vegas, but where else can you find a pool like this, and think about it: you'd blow 5 times that much at the actual club for the same eye candy. [Fat Guy 2010 Update:  I recently read that the Sapphire pool at Rio has been closed down indefinitely... apparently mixing stripper and booze led to some folks crossing the line and some not-quite-legal things were going on.]

Maxim's Honorable Mention Pools go to:  Moorea Beach Club @ Mandalay (12 foot Opium beds, topless section), Bare pool @ Mirage (topless, cabanas come with chilled cucumbers and misting bottles), Go pool @ Flamingo (Affordable, with tanning attendants to lube you up), and Venus Pool Club @ Caesars (A serene scene from the folks who brought you Pure nightclub).

Tropicana recently spent $125 milliion to convert their older-but-lush pool area wtih swim-up blackjack into the world's largest outpost of the famed posh Nikki Beach club. Scheduled to open Spring 2011, Nikki Beach will be more than just a pool club. It's a destination all by itself, featuring an ultra lounge, a nightclub, and a 3-meal restaurant called Cafe' Nikki

Travel Channel digs the Sunday Rehab party at Hard Rock. Rehab is the hottest pool in Vegas, even in cold weather: a hedonistic oasis just shy of Hef's grotto with upwards of 4,000 wall-to-wall standing-room-only hardbodies, many wearing the kinds of bikinis you usually only see on posters. Exhibitionism and public naughtiness are rampant, with swim-up bars, swim-up gaming, palm trees, a lagoon, a grotto, mini-beaches, hidden Jacuzzis, and connecting lazy rivers. This party is so hot it became it's own reality series on Tru TV (www.trutv.com/shows/rehab/). Snagging a cabana reservation is highly coveted, but not for the middle classes; on top of steep reservation fees and tab minimums, the gorgeous waitresses like to push giant 12-liter bottles of Dom that go for 2 grand, and cabana tabs average $10,000-$20,000 for a day in Rehab. Even general admission runs $50 for guys and $20 for girls (beware of counterfeit admission bracelets sold on the street), so figure you'll drop a minimum of $300-$400 for a full day here. The line starts forming 5 hours before the doors open at 11AM, so you may even have to skip partying the Saturday night beforehand (or keep it going all night), but this party is soo worth it. Check out the poolside bikini-cam @ www.hardrockhotel.com.

Tip:  If you're over 35 and/or have a less-than-perfect body, you can still show up and take it all in, but you'd better bring a big wad of cash and a sense of humor, because even the staff will (kinda) jokingly let you know you're too old to be there. I think ESPN.com funnyman Bill "Sports Guy" Simmons summed up the Vegas pool scene for the over-35 crowd best: "We dump our bags, head to an outdoor Mexican restaurant, order Margaritas and try to make sense of the weird mating ritual that doubles as the Palms' Friday pool scene. Between the weather (a crisp 108 degrees in late August) and clientele (put it this way -- there should be a game show called 'Stripper, Hooker, or Vegas Pool Customer'), you can actually see the STDs forming like mushroom crowds. My buddy Camp sums up everyone's feelings: 'If my daughter ever calls me 12 years from now and says she's hanging out at the Palms' pool, I'm going to kill myself.' "

Tip: Pool pix ettiquette. Many exhibitionist bikini-clad young ladies in the throes of Vegas attitude will happily pose for photos if asked politely with a little charm (and maybe a free drink). However, if you're just there to ogle and do the old man perv thing by sneaking candids of all the unbelievable eye candy, realize that even hotties with perfect bodies in tiny bikinis often don't appreciate being photographed without permission, and these days they're usually woman enough to call you out on it (and/or they're with some big dude who will).

Best Bars, Vegas:  Now that Vegas has shed it's 1990's Disney-esque marketing image of a kinder, gentler, family-friendly destination, it's time to get back to Vegas' Sin City roots. Hedonism is the business of Las Vegas... and business is good. The guys from the Rat Pack are smiling in their graves.

Any guy who recalls the 2001 Playboy layout with the Girls Of The Hard Rock Casino won't have any trouble choosing where to head first (check out the poolside bikini-cam @ www.hardrockhotel.com). Maxim loves the Peppermill's swanky Fireside Lounge (www.peppermilllasvegas.com/lounge/), where classy ladies in black evening gowns with slits up to here treat every customer like a high roller. Even you. For that Vegas insider's feeling, Maxim clues you in to speakeasy Noir Bar (@ Luxor). The hard part is getting on the list; then it's through a hidden side door, and down a long red corridor into a very cool new bar. There's not even a drink menu. Just tell the bartender what you like (vodka, chocolate, steak, Metallica?), then he'll spend 10 minutes mixing up something bizarre for you (like a carrot cake martini). Playboy's 1/05 issue digs the ultra-hip Teatro (MGM Grand, 702-891-7777, www.mgmgrand.com/pages_html/entertainment_teatro.asp), which looks like a spaceship inside a casino, sporting an intimate atmosphere, sexy drink cart grrls, and a red rock/female silhouette slide show. And from the headless Lenin statue outside (complete with fake pigeon droppings), to the Commie kitsch and red ambience within, Red Square (Mandalay Bay, 702-632-7777, www.mandalaybay.com/dining/restaurants.aspx) has a 200-bottle vodka vault kept at 0 degrees Farenheit. Motocross superstar and Vegas native Carey Hart opened a hangout for motorhead types called Wasted Space (@ Hard Rock), with a vibe simultaneously gritty and high-end, serving everything from $4 PBRs to expensive bottle service.

Tip: Per Jim H., it costs a fortune to get drunk in this town, so you may want to entertain yourself with an hour or so at the nickel slots swilling all the free booze you can swallow before you head out for any serious partying.

Party like Swingers:  The scene where Mike and Trent meet Dorothy and the cocktail waitress was originally written for the now-defunct Landlubbers Lounge at Treasure Island, which was then replaced by the also-now-defunct Parlay Lounge. Treasure Island doesn't even have a tiki bar anymore, so leave the Strip behind and head for the authentic Frankie's Tiki Room (www.frankiestikiroom.com). Frankie's is small and a bit of a hike from the Strip, but it's the genuine article, the house drink is The Zombie, and it's open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Or, Trader Vic's has finally brought their famous tiki-fied vibe and perfect Mai Tai's to Vegas (www.tradervicslv.com). And it's not my fault if you end up in a trailer park by sunrise.

From The Irreverant Guide To Vegas:
Somewhere Between Rat Pack and Swingers:  Champagnes Café is such a perfect blend of Old Vegas and the new Cocktail Nation, and if you don't swear you've spotted Elvis by your second drink, there's something wrong.  Pogo's Tavern hasn't changed so much as a light bulb since it opened in 1968, with a personable staff, cushy vinyl booths, wood-paneled walls, and old-timer entertainment, although it's located in a slightly dicey northwest neighborhood.  Le Bistro at Riviera is one of the last remaining throwback lounges with red neon ribbons, brass accents, and chrome columns.  Carluccio's was formerly owned and decorated by Liberace, with floor-to-ceiling mirrors, a bar shaped like a grand piano, and part of a hand-carved English pub bar.

Martinis and Cocktail Nation:  V Bar has unique designer martini flavors, Caesars Terrazza Lounge mixes 'tinis with satiny live jazz, Gaudi Bar at Sunset Station has a décor as outlandish as its martini menu, Martini Ranch at Texas Station offers 30 city-slicker silver bullets, and the driest martini in town can be found at Red Square.  Rio's Voodoo Lounge has Cocktail-style bartenders flipping bottles and serving Day-Glo libations, rumjungle boasts the world's largest rum bar, both Fontana Bar and Petrossian at Bellagio are home to some of the best mixologists on the planet, Caramel offers candy cocktails in chocolate or caramel covered glasses among a made-in-Heaven concept lounge, Fireside Lounge's house drink The Scorpion is served in a massive bowl with 15 liquors combined to produce a shade of red not found elsewhere in nature, the Bohemian Hookah Lounge serves knockout signature drinks in a sultry Mediterranean-decadence-meets-hipster music venue, Venus specializes in throwback drinks like the Sidecar and Vesper alongside hip faves, and Shadow's backlit bar is manned by showoff bartenders.

Per Playboy After Dark:
Best Live Tunes: House Of Blues (Mandalay Bay, www.hob.com/venues/clubvenues/lasvegas/), The Joint (Hard Rock, www.hardrockhotel.com/rock_thejoint.php), or Rain In The Desert (Palms, www.palms.com/nightlife_3.php); all are intimate with full schedules of diverse acts. For Blues, follow the Harleys to Sand Dollar Blues Lounge (355 Spring Mtn, 702-871-6651, www.sanddollarblues.com). Sterile surroundings, but it's the real deal.

Best Beautiful People: Hard Rock Hotel. Period.

Best Drink: The Couchette, a mix of Hpnotiq and vodka, at Risque de Paris (Caesars, www.playcaesars.com/paris/lasvegas/risque/). Or veer from the martini track with a Cable Car, best served by Nobhill Restaurant (MGM Grand, 702-891-7337, www.mgmgrand.com/pages/dining.asp?link=nobhill). It's a rum cocktail given a sweet twist when the barkeep coats the rim of the glass with brown sugar and cinnamon.

Hottest Nightclubs:  Forget club hopping on weekends; pick one and enjoy, because nearly all club lines are an hour-plus, and don't forget the dress codes. Bring hot women along to ensure entry.

It's been a long time since the world was hip enough to support the long-defunct Playboy Clubs, but now Vegas and the new millennium have changed that. Hit the world's only Playboy Club at The Palms (www.palms.com). It feels like a club, but the dance floor has been replaced by blackjack tables, and bottle service comes with your very own Playboy Bunny server. Maxim's latest rage is Christian Audiger The Nightclub (@ TI), by the designer who made the trucker hat hip.  Giant metal skulls, fashionably-vixened chicks, two 1000-gallon tanks swarming with jellyfish under blacklight, blondes working poles, and a terrace that overlooks TI's live pirate show and The Strip. Travel Channel's fave is uber-upscale nightclub Tryst (@ Wynn LV), complete with a 90-foot waterfall and red velvet walls. Bachelors and couples alike love the bawdy burlesque at Forty-Deuce (MGM Grand, www.mandalaybay.com/dining/lounges.aspx) or Tangerine (Treasure Island, 800-288-7206, www.treasureisland.com). T&L Golf digs the sickly hip surroundings at Rum Jungle (Mandalay Bay, 702-632-7408, www.mandalaybay.com/dining/lounges.aspx), or Vegas' largest club The Beach (702-731-1925, www.beachlv.com ).

For dancing, Studio 54 (MGM Grand, www.mgmgrand.com/pages/entertainment.asp?link=studio54), or Body English (Hard Rock, www.bodyenglish.com). Spike TV's Ice (www.icelasvegas.com) was touted by a 20-something as "the coolest club I've ever been to, and Hugh Hefner was there with The Girls Next Door, like a 90-minute wait in line but totally worth it" in a random conversation I overheard. Pure (Caesar's Palace, 702-731-7873, www.caesars.com/Caesars/LasVegas/Dining/BarsLounges/PURE.htm) has 3 distinct environments each with it's own sound system and big time DJ. Or check out MTV's Real World playground Rain (@ the Palms, www.palms.com/nightlife_3.php), but per Sports Guy, expect an hour line to get in Fri/Sat. 

Hit Tabu' (MGM Grand, www.mgmgrand.com/pages/entertainment.asp?link=tabu) for the elegant lounge experience. Plan your Vegas trip during warmer months so you can hit the poolside clubbing at Skin Pool Lounge (Palms, 702-942-7546, www.palms.com/nightlife_1.php).

After Hours: Maxim digs Drai's @ the Barbary Coast (www.barbarycoastcasino.com/restaurants/drais.html). A tough velvet rope sell, but the orgy of booze and babes that awaits is worth the effort.

Maxim says Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights are the best nights to hit the Strip, when all the Vegas showgirls and strippers are off work and out partying.

Best Clubs By Night Of The Week:  Maxim hits Jet @ Mirage on Mondays, Moon @ Palms on Tuesdays, LAX @ Luxor on Wednesdays, Pure @ Caesars on Fridays, Tao @ Venitian on Saturdays, and Body English @ Hard Rock on Sundays.

Sports Guy's Over 35 And Married View of the Vegas club scene, "As far as I can tell, our goal (if we were single) would be to somehow get a booth, then order $500 bottles with mixers, then see whether we can lure girls over to the booth to talk to us, drink from our $500 bottles and possibly give/get an STD. For the females (if single), their goal is to find a booth of unsuspecting marks, flirt with the guys, drink from their $500 bottles, make it seem as though something might happen and then either flee the premises or give/get an STD. And everyone is fine with this arrangement. Apparently it's fun."

Best Gentlemen's Clubs:  For bachelor parties or Boys' Night Out, Vegas is any man's paradise (check out www.bachelorvegas.com).

Tip: Never jump in a Vegas cab and ask the cabbie to take you to the "nearest/best" Gentlemen's club… First, cabbies can't really afford to frequent Gentlemen's clubs so they don't really know what goes on inside the door, and B: big name cash-sucking clubs often pay cabbies for delivering drunk idiots (like you) to their doors.

My buddy Vogey, who is something of an expert on this medium, recommends The Spearmint Rhino, just off the Strip. "It's dangerous," was his quote. Admittedly Vogey is one of those guys who throws money around like it's gonna evaporate tomorrow, but he says the $30 cover, $9 beers, $14 mixed drinks, and table reservation fees are worth it for the 120-150 legitimately model-gorgeous dancers, offering almost a one-to-one dancer-to-horndog ratio, and constant private dance offers. He says skip the standard $20 lap dance for the 3-for-$100 offer in the back room, and outline the "rules" with a cool dancer up front. Basically, the higher the price per song, the lower the number of rules. Be careful though, he met a guy on his way out seriously mumbling to himself with severe tab shock after he'd given the backroom attendant his credit card and couldn't say no for a little too long. Fat Guy Tip: Never, ever go plastic at a strip club--always stick to cash--for two reasons:  1, giving away real cash money keeps your spending tangible, not just some imaginary inaccurate drunken ticker in your head, which helps with self-discipline, especially when your halfway to hammered. 2, the occasional unscrupulous Vegas Gentlemen's club has been known to pad the bill--heavily--on occassion, and chances are you'll be in no condition to remember, let alone argue, how many lap dances you really had.

Maxim says Vegas' craziest club is Crazy Horse Too (www.crazyhorsetoo.com), but the Champagne Room is a rip off (Fat Guy Note: this is normally a no-brainer assumption, but not if the former Philly location is any indication; grease the back room bouncer with a Jackson for lower supervision levels--a good tip at many clubs). And who could forget the cinematic classic Showgirls, filmed at Cheetah's (www.cheetahsnv.com), named as Irreverent Guide To Vegas' fave as management prides itself on the friendly vibe. Before an outpost of NYC's Scores opened up here, longtime fan Howard Stern called the top-shelf talent at Club Paradise (www.clubparadise.net) "my Scores away from home."  Expect seating by a maitre d', high tabs, and a few former centerfolds on staff.  Jaguars bills itself as "The Bellagio Of Gentlemen's Clubs", a $25 million masterpiece of marble with a full service restaurant. Local faves include Palomino Club, the only 100% all-nekkid joint in town that serves booze, with unique old-fashioned burlesque shows performed by pretty-but-hard-bitten, mercenary-like dancers. Another local fave is Olympic Gardens (www.ogvegas.com), which cultivates airs with Roman décor, a more-lace-than-leather lingerie shop, and a ladies' side with buff long-haired stud muffins. But with 300 dancers on staff, it begins to feel mass-produced. Big names also include The Gold Club. More adventurous couples on a let-your-hair-down weekend might try the Fantasy and Shower rooms at Little Darlings nudie club, with a younger crowd cheering on the show like it's college football, the adult theater at strip club/adult emorium déjà vu (www.dejavu.com), or couples' club Red Rooster. And how can you resist places with names like Pussycat's House Of Pain? (3525 Procyon St).

Not in the mood for a House Of Pain? Vegas provides T&A on sooo many levels. Playboy recommends the Bikini Beach & Dance Club (Rio Hotel) where shirtless beefcake waiters handing out free shots make this club more Grrls Gone Wild than gold-digger audit. Pool included. Or Coyote Ugly (@ NY, NY, www.nynyhotelcasino.com/pages/ent_coyote.asp), modeled after NYC's Hogs & Heifers, with a hottie waitstaff dancing on the bar, stirring up the crowd. My buddy Bob G. says this joint is a rockin' party with 50/50 guy/grrl ratios, beer pong, and the hotties on the bar pour free shooters every 15 minutes straight outta the bottle down any woman's throat in the joint. So go here for a cheap place to get your grrlie loaded, or steal someone else's who already is.

VH1's The Fabulous Life (the modern day version of Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous) digs the afterhours treatments at Amp Spa at The Palms (www.palms.com/pool_spa_3.php). A pure Sin City experience, as professionally-trained and officially hot pedicurists, clad in barely-there lingerie, give you a pedicure complete with a warm honey calf and foot massage. Book your appointment well in advance. Once you come down off of that, get your Fab Life on at the "frat-party" atmosphere at torrid club Body English (Hard Rock), as renowned DJ A.M. spins the party to a frenzy. To cap off your Fab Life night, hit the brand new Scores Las Vegas  (www.scoreslasvegas.com), which sets a new standard in Gentlemen's club opulence, with palatial marble-floored surroundings and one of the best VIP areas anywhere, as evidenced by its popularity with the celeb set.

Best Dive Bars: Tired of all the glitz and glam of the Strip? Playboy and CMT say Vegas' best dive is Double Down Saloon (4640 Paradise, www.doubledownsaloon.com). Dawn Of The Dead murals, enough grunge to restock Seattle, free-spirited regulars, killer juke, and the specialty drinks of the house are the Bacon Martini and a concoction called Ass Juice. Or try Atomic Liquor Store's bar (917 Fremont, 702-384-7371), where no pretense brings in lovable oddballs. Friday night Karoake at Dino's Lounge (1516 Las Vegas South, 702-382-3894, www.dinoslv.com) showcases the eclectic crowd--professional types, blue collar Joes, and colorful regulars (tell Whiskey Linda that Playboy says Hi). Maxim likes the newly dubbed "Freemont East" downtown bar district for a low-brow pub crawl; hit The Griffin (a bohemian speakeasy with a killer juke), Beauty Bar (NYC transplant themed to look like an old school beauty salon), Sidebar (a shining shrine to mixology), and the Downtown Cocktail Room (a pulsing, dimly lit hipster lounge).

Where To Grub:

Steak:  Screw the diet when you're in Sin City. Steak is the order of the day in the world capital of steakhouses, and forget those $4.95 prime rib buffets. Playboy named Prime Steakhouse @ Bellagio (www.bellagio.com/pages/din_prime.asp) in the Top 10 Steakhouses in America. The beef lives up to it's name. And the menu is way beyond formulaic: 6 kinds of mustard, potatoes served 11 ways, 5 sauces to grace your beef, and a high-roller's wine list. Playboy also likes the Iowa beef at Bradley Ogden (Caesars, www.caesars.com/Caesars/LasVegas/Dining/FineDining/BradleyOgden.htm). To set the mood for those naughty nights with your girl, Travel Channel digs the sensual pin-up girl theme at Strip House (@ Planet Hollywood, www.striphouse.com). Order the strip steak, perfectly seared and crusted, with the goose fat potatoes, the truffle creamed spinach, leave room for the 24-layer chocolate cake, and plan for a food coma nap afterwards. T&L Golf likes Morton's (702-893-0703, www.mortons.com/website/htmldocs/locations/las_vegas.html ), Old San Francisco, or Range (Harrah's, www.harrahs.com/our_casinos/las/dining/dining_detail_04.html). The boys from Golf Channel's Big Break II loved the filet at Buccaneer Bay (Treasure Island, www.treasureisland.com), noting "you could cut it with a mid-iron."  After a round at the TPC in Summerlin, T-Bones (@ Red Rock) will definitely cure that stomach growl.

For a better value steak, Irreverant Guide to Vegas likes the 24-oz. ribeye at reasonably priced Austin's Steakhouse at Texas Station, rubbed in peppercorns and seared in garlic butter and cilantro.  Some say it's the best steak you'll ever taste, but their filets make it a tough argument.

Romance/Sexy: Maxim digs the only spot in Vegas (or maybe the world, for that matter) that fuses the decadent cuisine of Iron Chef Kerry Simon with a lingerie show, at the bordello-inspired Cathouse Bistro and Lounge (@ Luxor). Just try to concentrate on your dinner when the backlit frosted glass window reveals the silhouette of a gorgeous woman dressing herself in lingerie. The whole room oozes seduction. For romance, Scott recommends the restaurant at Paris Casino's Eiffel Tower for great food amongst the floor-to-ceiling views overlooking the fountain at the Bellagio.

Seafood: For seafood, try Emeril's revamped New Orleans Fish House (MGM Grand, 702-891-7374, www.mgmgrand.com/pages_html/dining_emerils.asp). Now with a fresh Vegas look, an updated menu, and Bam!... Old is new again. Playboy's Best of Vegas upscale eats includes Michael Mina's Seablue (MGM Grand, 702-891-3486, www.mgmgrand.com/pages/dining.asp?link=seablue) for jet-fresh fish in a showy room. Per The Food Network's Rachel Ray, Mandalay Bay does great seafood at the casual R Café or the upscale RM Seafood.

Italian: Zeffrino (Venitian, www.venetian.com/dining/zeffirino.cfm) for unforgettable Italian overlooking the Grand Canal, order the homemade pasta or the vitello alla grigia. Or Olives (Bellagio) for amazing food, a great wine list, and ask for a table outside so you get to see the water show. Order the Beef Carpacio app and the pasta, the chargrilled ribeye, or the Korobuta pork medallions. For more affordable Italian, locals recommend Battista's Hole In The Wall (www.battistaslasvegas.com), located in a tiny strip mall just north of Bally's. Reasonable prices, a diverse menu, dripping in Vegas memorabilia, and a strolling accordian player.

Wine & Fine Food: Travel Channel likes Aureole (3950 LV Blvd, www.aureolelv.com), where sophisticated 3 & 8 course meals are paired with modern architecture, world-class service, and one of the world's preeminent wine lists (presented on an electronic notebook, and fetched by waif-like waitresses carried up a postmodern glassed-in, climate-controlled, 3-story wine room on a cable harness, Mission-Impossible-style).

Old Vegas:  Michael's (Barbary Coast, www.barbarycoastcasino.com/restaurants/michaels.html) is your Dad's Vegas personified, with gourmet food served by tuxedoed waiters in an unhurried environment. And Bally's Steakhouse (3645 Las Vegas Blvd, www.caesars.com/Ballys/LasVegas/Dining/FineDining/BallysSteakhouse.htm) is pure old Vegas. Try the tomato Beefeater soup laced with gin and flamed tableside, a magnificent Caesar salad, and the bone-in prime rib.