Fat Guy's Pittsburgh PA Golf Weekend

Fat Guy Review:  My adopted hometown (I lived here for 2 years, and grew up in a miniature version 90 minutes away), Pittsburgh is a city defined not only by its' now-former heritage as a steel town (these days the medical technology industry is bigger), but also its' topography and its' residents. The Allegheny and Monongahela rivers come together to form the Ohio at Point State Park, near the riverside Steelers' Heinz Field and the Pirates' PNC Park. All those rivers mean two things: more bridges than any city in the world outside Venice Italy, and numerous tunnels boring through the hills of the surrounding river valleys. This can mean navigational issues for sense-of-direction-challenged out-of-towners unused to non-grid streets, so I'd recommend getting ahold of a rental car with a GPS.

Sure, I'm something of a homer, but to my mind, Da Burgh gets an undeserved bad rap.  Hear "Pittsburgh", and it immediately conjures up a Rust Belt image of fat guys in hard hats alongside the flash of molten steel. In the 1860's, one writer described Pittsburgh as "Hell with the lid off."  When Frank Lloyd Wright was asked how to improve Pittsburgh in the 1940's, he quipped, "Abandon it." The typical observation is that the Steel City is various shades of battleship gray for about 5 months a year from late fall to early spring. So it's easy to forget this city of 311,000 won Rand McNally's Most Liveable American city in 1985. You'll still find extremely friendly, hardworking people with strong ethnic traditions from the Eastern Block countries, Western Europe, Italy, and Ireland. I always call this "gateway city to the MidWest" more of a big town than a small city, at least in atmosphere. A true sports town where football is king right down to the high school level, hockey is a close second (even 2 AM amateur leagues have to get on waiting lists for ice time), and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone wearing Steelers/Penguins/Pirates Black-&-Gold (believe me, Black and Gold are capitalized in this town). Interesting local food traditions include extremely rare steaks (aka "Pittsburgh rare"), gob cakes (homemade chocolate cake "cookies" sandwiched around a layer of icing), fries on both Primanti Brothers sandwiches and steak salads, "fish on a dish" (a fried fish sandwich with 3 times as much fish as bun), halopkies, perogies, and from my experience it's one of the best spots in the country for hot wings outside of Buffalo.

The Accent:  Pittsburgheze is unique to anything else you'll ever hear, and deriviates of it stretch from State College to West Virginia to Eastern Ohio.  They drop a lot of consonants, O's become short A's, L's become W's, W's disappear, the singular or plural of "you" is "yinz" or "youns", and seemingly everything ends with the catch-all phrase, "And that?", alot like they use "Eh?" in Canada.  Just to give you an idea, a statement such as, "Are you guys going downtown after you take a shower?" would phonetically sound more like, "Yinz goan daahn-taahn af'er yinz take a shaa'er n'at?" coming from a native Pittsburgher (aka a "Yinzer").

Where To Play: I wouldn't call Pittsburgh a town spilling over with Must Play golf courses, and granted, the golf season is semi-short compared to say, San Diego. However, there are a couple of Don't Miss courses on seriously hilly terrain, providing some unique challenges. Finding large parcels of land suitable for golf in the hills of western Pee-Ay ain't easy, so expect to drive upwards of an hour from downtown Pittsburgh to many area courses.

Assuming you're temporarily light on connections to get you on famed Pittsburgh private haven and 2007 U.S. Open host Oakmont, the best course among western PA publics is Olde Stonewall (30 miles NW of Pittsburgh in Ellwood City PA, $150, www.oldestonewall.com). Self-made millionaire owner Rick Hvizdak settles for nothing but the best, and brought in Hurzdan and Fry to create a course worthy of it's mountain terrain and boxy-castle-like clubhouse. A $12 million, Golf Digest Top 10 You Can Play layout features $2 million worth of imported boulders, dramatic elevation changes, water, pot bunkers, bridges, ponds, and cascading waterfalls. This thing is an up-up-and-down adventure you gotta see to believe. Hurzdan and Fry embraced the elevation changes, and some of the upper holes will have you wondering how they ever got the heavy equipment up there to build the thing. Play the 16th from the Black tees to enjoy the 80-foot drop to the fairway, producing tee shots of 300+ yards and 5-second hang time even from average hitters. And oh yeah, on top of all that, the whole thing is well-bunkered and surrounded by long fescue, with woods bordering the perimeter holes. It makes a strong effort towards being kinda-sorta-almost worth the $150 greens fees.

Another area Must Play is the site of the PGA Tour's 84 Lumber Classic, Nemacolin Woodland's Mystic Rock course (70 miles from Pittsburgh in Farmington PA, $100-$160, www.nwlr.com). A 1995 Pete Dye creation, it also features rock-lined fairways and a roller coaster routing. Come see how good those guys really are. The sister Links course has Scottish influences with tough green complexes among deep woods, rocks, high rough, and lakes. The resort has first-class lodging, so with the 70-mile drive from Pittsburgh, it's well worth an overnight stay at the resort to catch rounds on both of Nemacolin's quality courses.  A golf-and-spa weekend for two here will run you roughly $1000-$1200. For where to booze & grub at the resort, see Fat Guy's full Nemacolin Woodlands review.

Other area tracks worth a round include Senior PGA Tour host Quicksilver GC (30 miles W of Mt. Lebanon in Midway PA, www.quicksilvergolf.com) featuring fast crazy greens, good hotdogs, and imitation Oakmont church pew bunkers. On the value end of the scale, try Heritage Hills, the sporty Hickory Heights (Bridgeville, $48, www.hickoryheightsgolfclub.com) with vertigo-inducing tee drops and a strong collection of ravine par-3s, Lincoln Hills CC (just off PA Turnpike Irwin Exit, $35, www.lincolnhillscountryclub.com) or Castle Shannon GC (about an hour outside Pittsburgh, just over the border in Hopedale OH, ~$35, 740-937-2373). These are some of my buddy Weasel's favorite area haunts (Yes, Weasel. Guys from Pittsburgh come with nicknames like my buddies there: Weasel, War Horse, Iron Head, Door Knob, Stonehenge, Pumpkin Head, Turbo [who weighs 250], and Zimmy.).

Where To Booze & Grub, Pittsburgh:

Downtown

Pittsburgh is one of those cities where the downtown sidewalks roll up at 6PM Monday through Thursday, and just after Happy Hour on Fridays. Most of the action is in the surrounding neighborhoods and suburbs. Possibly Pittsburgh's oldest bar & restaurant, The Original Oyster House (20 Market Square, 412-566-7925) is classic old-school in white-and-black tile, circa 1870.  It's also been the setting for scenes from Night Of The Living Dead and other films, with a reasonable, consistent menu voted 2005's Best Seafood in Pittsburgh (even with a few Iron Citys your bill will be under $15). Breaded oyster patties, fish sandwiches among Da 'Burgh's best, and cold buttermilk bisquits are staples.  For Italian downtown, head for Tambellini's (139 7th St). Pizza at Mineo's (2128 Murray Ave). Across the parking lot from Heinz Field, hit Jerome Bettis' Grill 36. Order the (you guessed it) 36-ounce steak (Pittsburgh rare, of course), or The Bus himself recommends the fried hoagie(?!?!), and the carrot cake for dessert.

Strip District

Boasting 89 distinct neighborhoods, Pittsburgh is more of a shot-and-beer town than a clubber's haven; if you gotta feel the bass thump, try alternative dance club Metropol (1650 Smallman Ave) with an attached jazz/R&B club; talent-rich sports bars Dave & Buster's and Sports Rock have good pizza and adult arcades; or check out the last vestages of big hair in the U.S. at meat market Donzi's. A Pittsburgh tradition not to be missed is Primanti Brothers sandwiches (locations at E Carson St, 48 18th St Strip District, Oakland, & both stadiums). "Per-man-ees" as it's pronounced locally, serves up a hearty stack of grilled lunchmeat on thick bread, covered with vinaigrette cole slaw, and Freedom Fries on the sandwich (they don't call them french fries around here anymore after the lack of support we got from the Froggies in the Iraq war). The sandwich sounds strange but it's great stuff, especially at 2 AM. A 'Burgh Must Eat. USA Today recommends Contemporary Kitchen near the Strip District, featuring sophisticated décor and contemporary cuisine (entrées $21-$36), Pamela's P&G Diner for breakfast ($6-$10), or Enrico Biscotti Co. for lunch, with an always-changing menu ($7-$9).

North Shore

The Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery (www.tiltedkilt.com, 353 Northshore Dr). Think 'Hooter's meets a great Irish pub.' They do a St. Paddy's Day celebration called St. Practice Day on the 17th of every month.

Southside (Everything on the Southside is on E. Carson St)

Hit my old haunt, adjoining Southside landmark bars Mario's & Blue Lou's. Go local with a shot and an Iron City Light, or try the Blue Whale served in a fishbowl. Another Southside landmark is the glass-block-and-neon dive Jack's. I used to swill beers there while waiting on my laundry at the laundromat across the street. Get your lounge on at Halo, housed in a former church. An underlit plexiglass bar and comfy booths compliment the surreal experience of sipping martinis bathed in the light from stained glass windows. Confess your sins (or commit a few more) in the confessional-like row of uni-sex bathrooms behind the downstairs bar.  My buddy Jed digs Hofbrauhaus (www.hofbrauhauspittsburgh.com), "a German bierhaus modeled after the original Hofbrauhaus in Munich, and a great place to get rocked."  Best live tunes at Nick's Fat City, or Blues at the Blue Note Café. Next door to the Blue Note is another Primanti's location for those post-last-call munchies. Everything at Fathead's is big, from the wings to the sandwiches. Their original flavor wings are just on the hot side of tangy, and 44 worldwide beers on tap. There's always a party at Margaritaville, or chill at billiard room Shootz. Great upscale Spanish food with a lively patio at Mallorca.

Mt. Washington

Grandview Avenue has the best hilltop views of the Pittsburgh skyline. Take the Incline Plane up from Station Square, and head right for some great upscale dining options. La Tavola Italiana Restaurant & Pizzaria (www.latavolaitalianrestaurant.com) is run by first-generation immigrants from Italy, so expect a 3 hour meal and Pittsburgh's best, most authentic Italian. So good the locals try to keep it a secret from the tourists, and it's also Big Ben Rothlisberger's fave. For a romantic dinner, hit the five-star Le Mont, or Isabella, Georgetown Inn, or Monterey Bay Fish Grotto (www.montereybayfishgrotto.com, per Gregg the best crabcakes he's ever had, and a favorite romantic dinner spot of my buddy Box, although my buddy Jeff once got stuck in their elevator for 35 minutes and comments from management made it sound like a semi-regular occurrence). Grandview Saloon is slightly more reasonable for drinks with a view, and a kick-ass big screen high def plasma.

Oakland

The home of the University of Pittsburgh (they don't like to be called "Pitt" anymore) has a gritty, city college vibe, but is surrounded by some rough neighborhoods. The Original, aka The "O" is a Pitt tradition for late night cheese fries, and Travel Channel named their hotdogs among the country's best.

Station Square

In addition to the touristy shops, check out the droolfest and strong talent at Hooter's; after work the Hooter's gals hit next-door Margarita Mama's; hot club Matrix jumps on Tuesday College Nights; great upscale fare in a grand former train station ensconced in marble at The Grand Concourse; fun family-style Southern Italian at Bucca de Beppo (try the chicken marsala in the Pope Room); karaoke with a pitcher of Rolling Rock at Green Room; live tunes at Hard Rock Café; or comfort food amidst the ski-lodge feel of Red Star Tavern or next-door Bar Louie, where deep comfy round booths compliment eclectic tunes.

Station Square's Sheraton is a good home base for a long weekend visit, with it's proximity to the Southside, Mt. Washington, Downtown, and riverboat trips to the stadiums. Try the Sheraton's Pittsburgh Rare Steakhouse to sample this Pittsburgh culinary tradition at its finest.

Shadyside

A hoighty-toighty little neighborhood near the Pitt campus with plenty of art galleries, cute restaurants, Yuppie bars, and chichi boutiques. Try the rooftop deck at Doc's for a target-rich summer partae (admittedly I haven't been to Doc's in 15 years; check and make sure it's still there).

Suburbs

For upscale, try the castle-like Hyeholde in Moon PA, or classic Italian at Louie Tambellini's (Rt. 51). For wings, Butya's (5576 Steubenville Pk Rt 60, Robinson Township) makes Fat Guy's Top 5 Best Wings On The Planet.  Quaker Steak & Lube (Pkwy W Rt 60 Exit 1, both stadiums, Freedom Rd off Rt 19, www.quakersteakandlube.com), a Western PA icon featuring a racing theme and hottie waitstaff, has good steaks, finger food, and 14 award-winning flavors of wings, with the "Hot" also making Fat Guy's Top 5. Take a bottle of their sauce home for grillin'. Locals love regional diner chain Eat-'N-Park regardless of the time of day. For chocolate lovers, Betsy Anne's Candy has been a 'Burgh favorite for over 50 years, with 12 area locations.

Check alt weekly City Paper (www.pghcitypaper.com) for what's going on where and Best Of Pittsburgh recommendations. Tip: Anywhere local band The Clarks are playing will be rockin', so get there early.

Gentlemen's Clubs:

My former haunt Fantasy Showbar near the airport has long since closed down, so try Club Elite (135 9th St) for strong talent (you may stumble across purported former Pitt cheerleaders), $10 cover, $4+ beers, and very tame $10 couch dances. Other Strip District (no pun intended) venues include Club Royale and Blush. Club Erotica (826 Island Ave, McKees Rocks) opens 7PM. Weekends expect $5 valet & $20 cover for nekkid dancers & free watered-down beer, but it's a pretty ragged joint for the cover charge. Talent ranges from 6's to 9's. $20 couch dances range from decent to outstanding (Maya). OR Silky's (Island Ave, McKees Rocks) $10 cover happy hour and all night Mon & Wed. Other options: Anthony's (4740 Baum Blvd, www.pittsburghdancers.com); Evergreen Hotel (Babcock Blvd & Evergreen Rd, Exit 18 off 279N, North Hills); Chez Kimberly (966 Liberty Ave). Or hit Bare Assets.

Where To Stay:  Besides the aforementioned Sheraton Station Square, the new Holiday Inn Express converted from an old warehouse on 10th Street on the South Side is a great value and provides easy access to area attractions. Airport hotels may give better access to area courses. I landed my first real job during a dinner interview at the Courtyard Marriott at the Airport, and have had several pleasant stays enjoying the stroll through the massive atrium at the Pittsburgh Airport Embassy Suites.  Downtown, USA Today digs the digs at Renaissance Pittsburgh Hotel (www.marriott.com) near the stadiums, or the Omni William Penn (www.omnihotels.com).  The bonus of staying downtown: Hotels discount rooms around 40% on weekends after the business travellers fly home.

Further Distractions:  102.5 FM WDVE is one of the best and longest-standing rock stations in the country, with steady hometown DJs and a hilarious morning show full of local flavor and well-rehearsed comedy sketches, but none of the shock-jock vibe. Brought the kids? Kennywood Amusement Park has quality roller coasters and an old school atmosphere, and Sand Castle Water Park is a great way to beat the summer heat. Adults can check out Pittsburgh Brewing Company's plant in Lawrenceville (www.pittsburghbrewingco.com) where they make local favorites Iron City and I.C. Light, served in aluminum bottles. The Pirates' PNC Park is as nice as any of the new breed of throwback stadiums with great riverside views of the city (http://sports.espn.go.com/travel/stadium/index?stadium=mlb_2783), and the Pens are showing signs of greatness. Wanna see the 6-time World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers? Good luck. They've been sold out since 1967. See the ESPN.com travel page for the Steelers/Heinz Field here:  http://sports.espn.go.com/travel/stadium/index?stadium=nfl_2858. Oh, and ask a local to tell you the one about a businessman booking "two tickets to Pittsburgh".

Sample Itinerary:  Fat Guy says, "A 4 day weekend is perfect to experience Pittsburgh and hit every Must Play in the area.  With a stay at the upscale Nemacolin Resort, this is likely a pricier weekend than you'd expect being in Pittsburgh. Or downscale your itinerary by downshifting to a 3 day weekend, and replace Nemacolin and the Mystic Rock course with another night at a downtown hotel and play the sporty, hilly, good value Hickory Heights."

Thursday:  Arrival day

After landing at the airport in the morning, jump in your rental (get the GPS option) and gun it up Route 60N towards Olde Stonewall. This is among the hilliest courses you'll ever play, and is a great "welcome-to-Western-PA" round. Afterwards make your way down to Pittsburgh and crash at the Omni William Penn. Have dinner at Jerome Bettis' Grill 36 near the stadiums. Booze in the Strip District at Dave & Buster's, or local flavor at Donzi's, then late night hit Primanti Bros.

Friday: Low brow value day

Play: Quicksilver GC

Stay: Be closer to the course and avoid the dreaded Nassau for designated driver status by moving your digs to the Holiday Inn Express 10th St, stumbling distance to Pittsburgh's South Side.

Eat: Dinner at Mallorca, then late night hit Primanti Bros. South Side location (yes, again, it's that good)

Booze: Do a pub crawl on E. Carson St on the South Side, and hit Halo, Jack's, Mario's, Blue Lou's, Nick's Fat City, Fat Head's and Margaritaville

Saturday: Start your splurge weekend.

Drive the 70 miles southeast to Farmington PA, which is almost in West By-God Virginia. Check into the Greenbriar-meets-L.L. Bean Nemacolin Woodlands resort.

Play: Nemacolin Woodlands' Links Course

Eat:  The bar menu at Tavern Bar, or Autumn Restaurant

Booze: WildSide Sports Bar

Sunday: Check out of Nemacolin, but don't pack your golf bag yet. The PGA Tour host Mystic Rock course is half the reason you came.

Play: Nemacolin Woodlands' Mystic Rock course

Eat: Grab some wings from Quaker Steak & Lube near the airport