Fat Guy's Penn State / State College PA Golf Weekend

Fat Guy Review:  As the t-shirt proclaims, State College is a drinking town with a football problem. The home of Penn State is an ever-growing but still classic college town with all the requisite brick and stone, but none of the Ivy League underbite. Granted, it's in the sticks in the middle of nowhere, but it's a nice little self-contained microcosm of nearly all you'd need in life (minus go-carts and good weather). It's also a great value for a golf/party weekend. Fat Guy is an alum, my Mom is an alum, and my family had season tickets for 20-odd years from the time I was 7.  Even during high season for golf, you can easily do a full bore 3-day weekend here for $350-$400 per person (including 2 rounds, gas money, lodging, booze, and grub).

www.downtownstatecollege.com
www.happyvalley.com
www.statecollegemagazine.com
www.statecollegecentral.com

Orientation & Getting There:  Legend has it the sculpture in front of Penn State's Old Main clock tower is at the exact geographic center of Pennsylvania. Due to PSU's humble beginnings as an agricultural college, State College is the only decent-sized town within an hour. With the completion of some newer stretches of 4-lane highway in central PA, the area also known as Happy Valley is only about 2 1/2 hours from Pittsburgh via 22E, and about 3 1/2 hours from Philadelphia via the PA Turnpike to 322W. There's still a couple handfuls of miles on 322 that are single lane coming up through the mountains, as completion of the expansion to 4-lanes continues, but the drive up from Philly is a lot faster than it used to be. A good halfway stop for a meal for those coming from Philly and points east is the Red Rabbit Drive-In & BBQ (Rt. 322, Duncannon, 717-834-4696). Order the pulled pork BBQ sandwich. State College is also easily accessible from I-80. Add an hour or two to your expected transit time if you're visiting on a football weekend, as University Park (the U.S. Postal Service's moniker for Penn State's main campus) becomes the third most populated city in PA on football Saturdays.  Or, University Park Airport makes regional connections to Delta, Northwest, United, and US Airways with daily flights from Cinci, Detroit, Philly, and Washington/Dulles.

The two main drags through the center of town are the parallel one-way College and Beaver Avenues. Atherton Street aka 322 runs perpendicular on the western edge of town. Both downtown State College and the PSU campus are contained enough to be walkable for the young at heart, although the campus is built on a large hill. To see all of downtown and campus, it would be best to split your walking tour over two days, or catch a CATA bus into the heart of campus (parking on campus can be tough). Penn State's main campus is a perpetually expanding mix of classic college brick and stone, some leftover 1960's vintage buildings, and more modern brick-metal-and-glass architecture, which somehow all blends together.

When To Go:  As a PSU alum, my favorite time to get back to campus for a nostalgic visit--other than football weekends of course--is summertime. Mid-June through early August is best. All the charms of life on campus, and only a quarter of the crowds at local restaurants and bars. Plus, the coeds wear less. Although admittedly, a friend who worked on the ESPN Game Day crew after graduation and saw nearly every big name campus in the country over the space of a couple years, said that for a school of this size, the talent level is semi-weak in comparison to CA, AZ, FL, or TX schools. PSU gals do spend about 8 months a year bundled under sweathirts in this climate. But in a pool of 50,000 undergrad and grad students, there's bound to be a few prize fish in the pond.

During the middle two weeks of August, you'll find sometimes-legit summer heat and humidity in a near-ghost town, as summer semester is over, and fall arrivals are still a week or two away. The sidewalks roll up earlier during this dog day stretch of August, so plan your tee times, meals, and nightlife accordingly.

Winters here can be unpleasant-to-nasty on any given day, and State College is one of the wettest spots in Pennsylvania due to the surrounding Appalachians, so much of the fall and spring are also a dice roll weather-wise. Any weekend during the school year will mean crowded-to-packed bars and restaurants all over town.

Home football weekends are a zoo of crowds, require hotel reservations a year or more in advance, and make tee times extremely hard to come by. I'd recommend against trying to combine a golf weekend with a football weekend, unless you're a die-hard PSU fan and a planner.

Tip:  A 3-day, 2-night, 2 round summer golf junket booked during mid-week might save you an easy $50-$100 over weekend rates between the room and greens fees. So take Monday and Tuesday off instead of Thursday and Friday, and arrive Sunday midday ready to hit the town or the course.

Where To Play:  There are lots of ways to approach a summer golf weekend here, but it's hard not to fall right into the college party atmosphere. Luckily, there's really only two good courses in town, so there should be plenty of time for both swilling suds and chasing the little white ball.

I'd recommend getting in your 'serious' round first, before you ever set foot in town. Summer in downtown State College has a way of sucking you into an early afternoon pitcher on a sunny outdoor bar deck, then the second pitcher suddenly becomes 3 AM with you hiccupping in line at Taco Bell. See my PSU academic records and waist size as reference.

So that means make a beeline for Toftrees, a Marriott resort just outside of town. A well-kept, classic course cut out of the woodlands by Ed Ault. Tough but fair, with rolling elevation changes and fast, tiered greens. Shortish from the Whites. Exquisite landscaping and floral flourishes surround the clubhouse. Summer weekday fees are a pretty decent deal in the $70 range. Fat Guy Rating: 8

The second option is my sentimental favorite, PSU's Blue Course. The sister White course is much improved, but mainly for student play. "Designed by the team of Harrison & Garbin, both golf architects of the Donald Ross lineage who both were Penn State alumni, their work focused primarily in Western Pennsylvania, making them ideal candidates to design the new course at Penn State." (GolfClubAtlas.com).  The Blue Course is a great value with the weekday alumni rate coming in at $42, for fairways and greens comparable to Toftrees and an ever-improving layout which grows more interesting on the newer holes on the back. The stretch of #12 - #16 has a more visually appealing, modern feel, with a risk/reward par 5, a cuttable dogleg, a par-3 green hanging over a pondside wall, and includes a boulder-laden waste area and interesting cross-bunker complexes. The improvements over the last 15 years are definitely an upgrade, although the mix of styles within the routing is readily apparent. The course is designed and maintained to keep play moving, with O.B. on only maybe 4 peripheral holes, and water in play on another 4.  Plus the ample fairways are only sparsely lined by single lines of pines with mowed grass beneath, and the trees are trimmed up to half-height. So even the most booming slices will be recoverable with a 4-iron punch. While the peripheral maintenance on the course can be a little rough, they do a great job with landscaping like colorful flowerbeds and interesting flourishes (although the replica of an Italian courtyard on the 16th tee is a little much; a landscape architecture class project run amok, no doubt). The pro shop was rated in the Top 100 in the country, and features all the PSU golf gear you ever wanted.

However, the Blue does come with a few caveats. First, it seems to be a perpetual (albeit improving) work in progress, as the golf course design, turf, and course management programs at Penn State have a free canvas on which to experiment at cheap student labor rates. So the few times I've played it over the last 10 years have meant one or more holes under construction with temporary greens, temporary cart paths, dirt patches from construction, etc. Second, this place is one of the noisiest courses I've been on in recent memory. Between the inexperienced student grounds crew running mowers or their mouths nearby during your swing, the legions of local retired alumni foursomes boisterously ribbing each other over their hearing aids, the noise of the construction equipment, and the tight proximity of many of the tees and greens making even normal conversations easy to overhear, it can be fairly distracting. And I'm generally not one of those silence freaks while on the course. Pace of play can be a little slow due to the preponderance of inexperienced student golfers and the groups of retirees with pull carts out for their daily walk.

Despite it's drawbacks, PSU's Blue Course is still a good value for a round before a State College bar tour. No alcohol permitted, which might be a good thing on a Saturday or Sunday morning in this town. Fat Guy Rating: 7.5

Best Bar Nearby:  Penn State was named as the #2 Party School in the Nation by The Princeton Review in 2006, so what PSU coeds lack in model-esque looks, they make up for with a party attitude. The Nittany Lions also feature one of the largest Greek systems in the country.

Stumble your way through the core 14 blocks or so of the downtown business district, and hit the following for one of the best bar tours anywhere:  Any list of the top college dive bars in the country wouldn't be complete without State College's All-American Rathskeller and Gardens, aka The Skeller (108 S. Pugh St., www.theskeller.com, closed Sundays). It's not quite the experience it once was, ever since Latrobe Brewing Company got sold to Anheuser-Busch and stopped making their former famed house drink: cases of Rolling Rock pony bottles. The kitchen also no longer makes their former signature bar pizza, and they now have actual waitress service. All that still can't hide the graffitti carved into the tables and the rank restrooms, so it's still worth stopping in for a pitcher to check out whatever band is playing in this been-there-forever basement staple. The alleyway entrance to the second floor Shandygaff aka The Gaff (Calder Way) gives little prelude to the fun party going on upstairs. Wear old clothes so they don't get ruined on the beer-soaked floor when you drop to do The Canoe to the Hawaii Five-O theme. The ultimate basement bar is State College's The Phyrst, with two pool tables, seriously hottie bartenders, and not a window in the joint. This place has a cult-like following due largely to the drinking songs/chants/games played by regulars and the interactive house band known as The Phyrst Phamily. You can buy a personalized cast-iron house mug that comes with a spot to hang it among the rafters. The featured drink at the colonial Adam's Apple Tavern (Calder Way, open 5 PM, attached to The Tavern Restaurant) is a heady mix of various clear liquors, fruit juice, and champagne called Original Sin. Hardly a chick drink, but one they can down fairly easily. But take it from me, even big ol' boy boozers shouldn't order more than 3, unless you want your evening to come to an abrupt halt. The Saloon gets hoppin', particularly on Monday "industry" nights. Order the house drink called a Monkey Boy, a variation on a Long Island iced tea. Given the dicey weather for much of the year here, drinks alfresco is a special treat in State College (and downtown summer nights are surprisingly bug-free), so hit Café 210 West, The Gingerbread Man aka The G-Man, The Deli, or The Lion's Den for sidewalk tables to watch the underclassmen walk longingly by. A modern twist on the English pub, Bill Pickle's (Allen St) also converts to an open-air vibe during summer, and is a great spot for sports-watching with plasma TVs over the darkwood bar, and flat screens over the urinals so you don't miss a single play. Order the house drink called a Lion's Paw, as featured in Playboy. For a few games of pool, hit the 4 full-sized tables at Sharkey's. After that, check out Hooters (College Ave). Those famous orange short-shorts, tiny tank tops, and major-college-level talent in need of easy beer money. You do the math. Their wings suck, but hey, you're there for the Hooters.

For clubbing, Prison Block (College Ave) is housed in a former Burger King (cooler than it sounds), with eclectic mixed crowds and a lively balcony overlooking the dance floor. With a slogan like "Come Dance Your Ass Off", basement club Players (College Ave), complete with a 1970's-disco-style lighted dance floor, can be a fun evening if you can appreciate the cheese factor for the kitcsh it's intended to be. For a small-time Gentlemen's club, make a run for The End Zone (out 322 West about 8 miles from downtown). Last I was there was easily 10 years ago when it was a $10 cover for free beer, and decent, local, non-collegiate talent. Ads I saw on a recent visit made it look like they've upgraded the talent a notch and cater to a biker crowd.

This is a college town, so those in the know can still get hammered for under $15 around here, if you know what drink specials to hit. Ask the barkeep at the first place you belly up, or you planner-types can check local weekly rag The Weekender (www.centredaily.com/multimedia/centredaily/diningguide/Index_1.html), available in hotel lobbies and free paper boxes all over town.

There's only about two taxi companies in town, and one is owned by my buddy Ironhead's parents, so if you find yourself in no condition to make it back to your hotel room, the folks at Handy Delivery Taxi (814-353-6003) will help you make the trek. Catch one at the cab stand at College & Allen. Just don't puke in the cab. If you have to call for one, they get busy on weekends as an oligopoly, so it may take awhile.

Where To Grub:
State College has to be one of the best spots for wings in PA. Here's a rundown of the best wings in town, in ranked order:

Penn State Sub Shop #1 (225 E. Beaver, http://www.campusfood.com/restaurant.asp?campusid=78&restid=997)- A Must Eat.  These are Fat Guy's Best Wings On The Planet Outside Buffalo NY, and I'm a connoisseur of the wingy de Buffalo (although admittedly I've never actually been to Buffalo). No booze served here, no air conditioning, and minimal seating, so these go down best as take-out after the bars close for a late night/early morning hotel room feast (although they do close well prior to last call during summer). Lines out the door are common late-night on weekends during the school year, but they're absolutely worth the wait. You could get them delivered to your hotel room, if you wanna take the chance that you won't be passed out cold and not hear them knocking when they show up 90-120 minutes later. There's just a little something extra in the sauce here that sets these wings apart, although I can't exactly put my finger on what it is (and it's KILLING me!). While in college, I actually considered getting a job there to try to find out the secret (but like most college kids, I was waay too lazy). For wing aficionados, the hot version have a strong sting but they're very tasty. For the casual wing eater, the mild flavor still has plenty of kick. Take a big cooler along for your golf weekend so you can take a few dozen home on ice to put in your freezer for football season.  They're that good.

The Dark Horse Tavern (College Ave)- Recommended by fellow alum Shawn.

The Gingerbread Man (130 Heister)- Inconsistent quality on a couple of recent return visits, but when they're good, they're goooood.

Or hit Sports Café & Lounge (College Ave) for a sports orgy with good bar food, including their "Head Rush" wings. About as hot as a wing can get and still be tasty, without being stupid-hot. At least that was my judgement after about 3 pitchers of beer.

Other Penn State food traditions not to be missed: creamy Peachy Paterno ice cream at the University Creamery (on-campus), or for late-night diner food and world-famous Grilled Stickies, hit Ye Olde College Diner aka The Diner (open 24 hours, College Ave, https://shop.statecollege.com/products/prod1.phtml?session=). Try the house special Route 26 burger.

Classy dining (usually on the parents) at The Tavern (College Ave), or Jenn loves The Corner Room (College Ave, no booze).

Go Asian at Cozy Thai (College Ave). Come early to snag the limited seating at this stylish Thai bistro. Half-globes of perfect white rice, crispy fresh vegetables, tasty sauces, and good service, all amongst a big city modernist decor. Lunch $7.

Locals rave about the ribs at Propsector's (2080 Cato Ave, www.prospectors.net) on the outskirts of town, ordering them by the bucket. Or hit downtown Beulah's BBQ (114 S. Garner, www.dantesinc.com/beulahs.htm) for flavorful dry-rubbed smoked ribs, and pulled pork or brisket sandwiches.

Head south of the border at Mad Mex (@ Days Inn Penn State, 208 S. Pugh). The trendy yet relaxed atmosphere features an indoor bar/restaurant with a desert basement vibe. A cement floor streaked in all the colors of a fiery desert sunset compliments a serpentine copper bar lit by mason jar lamps. Comfy high-backed private booths and more open areas accommodate intimate dinners or rowdy groups. A high-fenced outdoor bar area features a large tent, mood-lit by purple spotlights and strings of red chili pepper lights. Love the irreverent dish descriptions on the menu. Check out their half-price burrito and Big Azz margarita specials, then buy your grrlie one of their t-shirts that read: "Instant Slut, Just Add Tequila".

The next morning, tame that hangover with brunch at The Waffle Shop (2 locations, College Ave & North Atherton); or good lunch grease at Baby's Burgers & Shakes (Garner Ave), a 50's diner owned by former Detroit Lions GM and Penn State alum Matt Millen. Order the Whimpys In A Basket, and a real Vanilla fountain Coke or a chocolate malted milkshake. For good value meat-and-potatoes meals complete with endless salad and dessert bars, head for regional steakhouse chain Hoss' (N Atherton). Tasty steaks, mostly under $16, with all the fixins'. Grab the garlic bread dipped in ranch dressing from the bread and salad bars, then order the steak tips and Italian marinated chicken.

Where To Stay:  Accommodations didn't matter much to us Nittany Lion die-hards in our wacky post-college 20's, but a spot on the floor with a jacket for a pillow won't cut it for most. For upscale, there's only a few choices: the very collegiate, historic, on-campus Nittany Lion Inn (800-233-7505 ('03 Rates $118/night + tax), built in 1931 and run by the school's Hotel & Restaurant Management program. Jack Nicholson bunked here while filming scenes from Hoffa nearby. Ask a local for stories about Jack's brief stay, they're the stuff of urban legend (er, rural legend, in this case). I've heard mixed reviews on the food at the Inn, but the atmosphere is top notch, plus the sporty PSU White Course is just across the street for those in desperate need of a warm-up (or late night) 9 holes. Other upscale options include the aforementioned Marriott Toftrees just outside of town, with lodging options from standard hotel rooms to condos (although their surprisingly affordable golf package with accomodations got a thumbs-down review from my buddy Scott). The Atherton Hotel (800-832-0132, 125 S. Atherton, '06 summer weekend rates around $85) is just on the edge of downtown, very nice, and features a formal dining room. For those of us idiots who'd rather book accommodations based on being stumbling distance to State College nightlife, Days Inn Penn State (800-258-3297, 240 S. Pugh, '06 summer rates around $75-$90) is the most centrally-located hotel in town, with an indoor pool and surprising amenities.

For midscale, try any of these options:
Hotel State College 814-237-4350
Courtyard By Marriott 814-238-1881, 1730 University Dr, '06 summer weekend rates around $105
Marriott Residence Inn 814-235-6960, 1555 University Dr, '06 summer weekend rates around $115
Nittany Budget (Still there?) 814-237-7638
Hampton Inn
Hilton Garden Inn
Penn Stater
Ramada Inn (beware, the visiting team usually stays here on football weekends)
The Autoport
Imperial 400 Motor Inn

For football weekends, expect room rates to double or triple, and make reservations at least a year in advance.

Further Diversions: Shop for endless variations on Nittany Lions gear at the on-campus Penn State Bookstore (@ The Hub), or downtown try 'The Big Blue' Student Bookstore, McLanahan's, upscale logo'ed clothing at Lion's Pride, or more budget stuff at Family Clothesline (all are on College Ave). The best area shopping is along College Avenue, with unique boutiques, independent shoe stores, eclectic art galleries, and knicknack shops. Check out The Roost (College Ave) for a loungy collection of hip furniture, bar accessories, glassware, style and cocktail books, drinking games, party accessories, and other fun stuff. Save for the local institutions, many of the shops, bars, and restaurants seem to turn over or re-invent themselves every few years, continually reviving a vibrant downtown scene.

I think the ever-growing Arts Fest is the second weekend in July every year, but has grown to proportions too crowded for my tastes. Many Penn State alumni use this festival as an excuse for a summer reunion with college friends.

The latest area attraction is the State College Spikes, the St. Louis Cardinals' single-A rookie minor league team that plays a shortened season here during summers. Their brand new ballpark, Medlar Field at Lubrano Park (next to Beaver Stadium) is also home to the PSU baseball team. Check the Spikes' home schedule at www.statecollegespikes.com.

Oh yeah, on Fall Saturdays, you can check out the greatest college football program in the country, as well as the greatest coach. Join 107,000 screaming Nittany Lions fans as they cheer on JoePa and those plain uniforms, for the biggest and best tailgate party in a cowfield anywhere (ESPN.com's Road Warrior Jim Caple ranked Penn State tailgating as #5 in the country), at Beaver Stadium (www.gopsusports.com/Football/home.cfm, University Park).

P.S.: Stop asking PSU fans when Joe's gonna retire! We've been hearing the same question for almost 20 years. Answer: When he's dead!