Fat Guy's Midwest Beach/Pool Bar Golf Trail

Let's face it, the landlocked Midwest is a bit beach-and-weather-challenged geographically.  But the Great Lakes are a worthy substitute for an ocean, and those sun-starved Midwesterners make the most of the 4 swimmable months before winter creeps back in.

MidWest

Put-In Bay, OH

I know what you're thinking...  "Put-In What, Where?"

Indulge me for a minute. My buddy Matt grew up in Toledo, and has told me so many stories about spending his drinking-age summer weekends on this Great-Lakes-island version of Key West, that I had to give it a mention.

There are legions of tiki and hotel pool bars on this Lake Erie island.  Matt spent most of his time at The Commodore Hotel (www.commodoreresort.com).  Take a ferry from the northern coast of Ohio, rent a golf cart for cruising the island all weekend, then crash here and hit The Commodore's new MIST VIP pool bar for swim-up bars, huge walk-up bars, two waterfalls, four cabanas, and plenty of frozen drinks.  Summer weekends bring a Spring Break atmosphere and crowds, so bring a case of Bud for the room, a disposable waterproof camera, a bottle of Advil, and earplugs to get to sleep at night.

There's only one course on the island, and it's a 9-holer, so a round at Saunders GC will be more of a secondary distraction than the main focus of your weekend. Believe me, you'll be having so much fun partying, you won't mind a boozy round where you keep closer track of ridiculous wagers than your score. Saunders is a 9-hole par-3&4 challenge for golfers of all ages. This is a walking course and golf carts, rented or private, are not permitted on the course. Near South Bass Island State Park.

Sandusky, Ohio

Here's an option for Dad and Mom to relax while the kids have the time of their lives. Even during the shoulder seasons for golf in Sandusky, Ohio — the self-proclaimed roller coaster capital of the world is home to Cedar Point Amusement Park— it’s always bikini weather at Kalahari Resort, America’s largest indoor water park. So let the kids tube down the water slide one more time while you enjoy a mudslide of an entirely different kind.

Play at Sawmill Creek GC in nearby Huron, a classic creek-lined course with rock hard greens and plenty of weeping willow trees, giving Sawmill a South Carolina kinda feel.  Beware the ticklish, shot-maker's back 9.

Chicago, IL

The MidWest is a bit beach-challenged, but the edge of a Great Lake is more than a worthy subsitute. Travel Channel says, "Head lakeside and enjoy open-air casual dining at Oak Street Beachstro (www.oakstreetbeachstro.com) in Chicago. The Tahitian-inspired bar and restaurant sits on the shores of Lake Michigan and offers the sounds of waves combined with the city's vista. If you're in Chicago in the summer, there's no better place to soak up the Midwestern sun." 

CheekyChicago.com also digs Castaways Bar & Grill on Chicago's North Avenue Beach, where "every day is Spring Break, and frozen drinks and dancing are summer standards."

Play Cog Hill's Dubsdread #4.  An outstanding layout, and home to a PGA Tour playoff event. LONG from the Blues, and could easily eat your lunch. The par 4's are brutal, lots of 400+. Well-bunkered, rolling elevation changes. #18(above) isagreat finishing hole withanapproach over water.  Worth the $ to play where the big boys play, but bring your long game.

Wisconsin Dells, WI

Wisconsin would be among the last places you'd guess would be the World Capital of Waterparks, but it is.  Wisconsin Dells' rivers and lakes have been a summertime cooling-off spot for tourists since the 1850's, and the first duck boat tours started here in 1946.  The waterpark heritage started with the opening of a park called Noah's Ark (www.noahsarkwaterpark.com) in 1979.  Noah's Ark went on to grow into the world's largest outdoor waterpark.  Seeing the success of Noah's, the Polynesian Resort Hotel (www.dellspolynesian.com) factored in the tough Wisconsin winters and did them one better by opening the world's first indoor waterpark in 1994. 

With the business model established, three more waterpark resorts sprung up, and now there are 5 major water-themed destinations in Wisconsin Dells, plus a few smaller water attractions.

These mark a new level of waterpark resort... nearly all the Dells' resorts have massive, world-class indoor and outdoor water parks with a myriad of wicked slides, fake palms, and specific play areas for all ages: toddlers, young children, 'tweens, teens, and adults.  Plus multiple restaurants, and a wide menu of lodging options from standard rooms to family suites.  Some have golf courses on-site, full-service spas, arcades, go-carts, and mini-golf.  There's also outlet shopping and casino gambling in town.  Dads know the value of a spot where you can let your kids run free, shriek to their heart's content, and be relatively safe from abduction and drowning, while you can belly up to the bar and catch a game guilt-free after sneaking off for an early morning 9 holes.  Here's the best waterpark bars (and golf) in The Dells:

Wilderness Territory (www.wildernessresort.com) is a mind-boggling mega waterpark resort that appears on lists like Travel Channel's "Most Extreme" and "Top 10".  Massive indoor and outdoor water parks, a wave pool, kiddie areas, 4 restaurants, 4 bars, and legions of lodging options. 

 

Their Thirsty Buffalo Sports Bar & Grill is a Western-themed sports center with stone walls, bleached longhorn skulls, and plasmas.  For dinner, hit the resort's Vegasy white table cloth yet kid-friendly Field's Premier Steakhouse.  Make it a full weekend at one of the 6 hotels on-site.  Choose to stay right at the water park, at the golf course, at the spa (with a steamy heated outdoor infinity pool perfect for snowy winter couples' getaways), or out in nature, and tailor your room choice to fit most budgets.

Tee it up at the Wildnerness Territory's Wild Rock GC (www.wildrockgolf.com).  Named as Golf Magazine's #5 Best New course of 2008.  The design team of Hurdan & Fry carved a varied parkland course out of the wilderness, with dramatic elevation changes, plenty of Kodak moments, rock outcroppings, and the off-season fees are only $45.  Plus there are golf villas, a spa for your golf widow, and a hilltop log cabin grill room.  There's also an executive 9-hole family course perfect for drying out your budding young golfers.

  Wild Rock GC

The Kalahari Resort (www.kalahariresorts.com) is an African-jungle-themed family entertainment orgy with indoor and outdoor water parks, a hip bowling alley, elevated go-cart track, an indoor ferris wheel, Skee ball and arcade games. 

Tell the family they can find you at Kalahari's Kahunaville tiki bar, with Cocktail-style bottle flipping bartenders, great steaks and chops, and family-oriented sing-a-long shows. 

Or catch the game on a massive screen with individual volume control and a rack of ribs at the on-site Damon's.

Play Kalahari's Trappers Turn GC (www.trappersturn.com) designed by Andy North and Roger Packard.  27 holes and 4-1/2 starts by Golf Digest, with creek-lined rolling elevation changes and valley meadow holes. 

They also have GPS on the carts, a massive learning center, and an expansive high-end man cave grill room (think pool tables, electronic darts, Golden Tee, gilded gold ceilings, hearty studded leather chairs, and upscale fare).

Chula Vista's (www.chulavistaresort.com) indoor water park has spiraling slides, multi-level water cannon towers, Mayan temples, and massive shower head fountains. 

The outdoor area has a wave pool, kiddie lazy river, and mini golf.  There's also shopping, go-carts, and a spa.  Their rooms come in a myriad of styles like golf villas and condos, while their suites come in 5 flavors:  Junior, Family, Presidential, Jacuzzi, and Themed (Pirates Of The Carribean, African Safari, etc.)  Imagine a day like this...  The kids jump out of bed without any nagging, you get to spend a couple hours with them in the morning in rare "cool Dad" status, you sneak off for a quick 9 holes while Mom corrals them for lunch, then you take over kid watch duty from the poolside Steamboat Rock Bar & Grill, and finish it off with dinner at the Kaminski Brothers Chop House, then finally a little privacy for Mom & Dad in your family suite after bedtime.  Ah, actual life balance in a single day.  Priceless.

Golf is close at the resort's Cold Water Canyon GC (www.wisconsindellsgolf.com).  The original 9 is a classic layout circa 1923, recently redesigned alongside a moguled, linksy back 9, with free club rentals for resort guests.

The Polynesian Water Park Resort's (www.dellspolynesian.com) indoor water area is a little more plain--white walls and concrete--than some of the other area resorts, but their outdoor water rides are colorful and more engaging.  For lack of other alternatives, hang at the Polynesian's Aloha Bar & Grill, a simple 6-seater that's not half as tikified as the name would imply, and the kiddie options on the menu make it less of an escape than the other resorts listed here.

  Polynesian Resort

Great Wolf Lodge (www.greatwolf.com) is a nationwide chain of 12 waterpark resorts.  Their Wisconsin Dells location is their flagship, with indoor water areas for toddlers, young kids, tweens, teens, and adults. 

Their pricey family suites come with cabin-like bunk beds the kids will love, but don't provide much respite for Mom and Dad.  There's also a spa for Mom, and a special spa designed just for the kids (like they need anymore coddling and pampering, right?).  The poolside Wolf's Den lets you keep an eye on the little ones, or the Loose Moose Bar & Grill is perfect for sports watching.

Great Wolf doesn't have a golf course on-site, so take the kids for a quick 9 at Fairfield Hills Executive GC in nearby Barbaroo.

Madeline Island, WI (on Lake Superior, 85 miles east of Duluth MN)

Madeline Island is only a 20 minute ferry ride from Bayfield WI, and Madeline Island GC (www.madelineislandgolf.com) fits the slower pace of island life (island life is even slower in places like Lake Superior).  This flat Robert Trent Jones Sr. layout isn't too strenuous for vacationing golfers, with prime time greens fees at only $55.

Tom's Burned Down Tavern on Madeline Island is one of a kind, and it made Travel & Leisure's list of Best Beach Bars. 

"An old tavern burned down in 1992 and was totally destroyed so that only the decks remained. That didn’t bother owner Tom Nelson, who thought, 'Do not rebuild it, and they will come.' Nelson pulled in a 40-foot trailer to the decks and began serving beer from the back of the truck. Since then, he’s built more decks and a bar and added a tarp roof and knickknacks. It’s a quirky place that could keep your attention for hours between the bartenders’ stories and the view of kayakers and stand-up paddleboarders on the lake. There’s even a chance of glimpsing the northern lights. Signature Drink: Island Rum Punch: three kinds of rum with pineapple, cranberries, orange juice, and lemonade, topped with a cherry and lime, $8."