Fat Guy's Disney / Orlando Family Week

Here's some tips gleaned from research and personal experience from an 8-day family sojourn to the Land Of Mickey in 2008:

Let's face it, Orlando and Disney aren't exactly the stuff of the traditional boys' weekend golf trip, unless you happen to have a time share there.  For purposes of these recommendations, I'll assume you're in town to take the kids for a week at Disney as your main focus, with a round or two thrown in just to keep you sane since you can't get the lyrics to It's A Small World out of your head.

Budget:  This may be among the most expensive family vacations you'll ever take, so here's some tips to get the most bang for your buck.

Disney advertises that a family of four can have a week at the park for under $1600.  Which is semi-true, assuming you're willing to pull the kids out of school for a week to hit the off-peak seasons with potentially dicey weather, stay at a low-end room in the park, forego the ability to jump from park to park during any given day, skip the waterparks, don't buy any souvenirs, cook all your own meals, and walk to Orlando from wherever you live.

Factor in gas money, a couple night's lodging to make it down to Orlando and back, the requisite Mickey ears and stuffed animals for the kids, a nice dinner out for Mom and Dad, a round or two of golf for you, and the meal plan in the park, and you'd better figure a minimum budget of $2500-$3000 for a family of four.

Of course, if you'd like to fly the family down to Orlando, rent a car, stay at one of the park's more upscale properties, eat at sit-down restaurants, and never say no to your kids during the entire week, you could easily blow through $5 or $8 grand.

Getting there:  If spending the better part of 3 solid days in the car with your hyperactive, 30-second-attention span kids fighting over what movie to watch on the DVD isn't your idea of fun, then obviously this is a great time to cash in your frequent flyer miles.  A good alternative for those in the Northeast is Amtrak's I-95 auto train service, which travels from northern VA (Lorton) to an hour outside Orlando (Sanford, FL).  It's an increasingly good value as the price of gasoline goes up, plus it saves you the price of renting a car.  But I'd recommend booking a roomette (instead of coach seats) if you can afford it.  We did coach seats with a 7-month-old baby, and despite roomy seating and decently reclining chaise lounges, we still got zero sleep on the overnight trip.  Even the beds in the roomettes are small and hard, for those of us pampered souls used to king-sized pillow-top mattresses.

TIP:  Arrive at the auto train towards the end of the pre-boarding window stipulated on the website.  We saw Amtrak accepting cars arriving as little as an hour before train departure, and discovered that the cars come off the train in a First-On-Last-Off system.  A late arrival on the departure end might save you upwards of an hour waiting for your car to come off the train.

When To Go:  For some families, the answer to this question might be as simple as "when you can afford it."  Post-tax refund after a healthy raise at work might be a good time to plan and pre-pay for the majority of your trip.

For you penny-pinching planners, know that Disney has 4 seasons:  Peak, Off-peak, Regular, and Holiday.  Going during off-peak times can not only save you some cash on the room, but also increase your enjoyment level by avoiding longer lines for rides and attractions.  However, off-peak at Disney is a relative term; the place is basically never slow.  Even during off-peak, it will still seem like the park is full and there will still be some fairly decent lines to deal with.  But it sure beats dealing with the park busting at the seams with people, and long lines testing your patience at every ride, transportation mode, food stand, and gift shop.

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4th of July are very popular holidays.  Believe it or not, summer is considered a Regular season.  But realize that weather also plays a role here; even though Orlando sees sunshine most days of the year, it can get down into the 20's in January on occasion, and the high summer heat in Florida can sap your energy and enjoyment during all-day park sessions which involve a lot of walking and standing in outdoor lines (end-of-day translation:  throbbing feet, exhausted legs, temper-tantrum kids, zero-patience parents), not to mention the typical Florida summer afternoon thunderstorms.  Our late June excursion in '08 saw temps in the low 90's with high humidity all week.  I can tell you that about 8 hours a day of walking around the parks in that heat was about all we could stand before wanting to rip each other's throats out.  So if you're thinking your family can go hard for 12 hours a day in July, think again.

TIP:  A tip I got from B.S.ing on a park bench with a guy who takes church groups down to Disney a couple times every year:  October is the best combo of light jacket weather and somewhat muted crowds.  My buddy Scott went in September, the week right after Labor Day (i.e. a Labor Day arrival) and said they never even needed to use Fast Pass because they just walked on every ride.  Disney staffers told him that week is among the slowest weeks all year, with pretty good weather to boot.

If you're the type who doesn't mind pulling the kids out of school or rolling the dice a little on the weather, off-peak is the way to go.  January 2-February 15 and December 1-15 are the least crowded times of the year, but tougher to balance against your Christmas budget.

Research Resources:  I pulled many of these nuggets from two sources:  Disney On A Dime (www.disneyonadime), and The Complete Idiot's Guide To Disney.  Those two publications also recommended this website: www.mousesavers.com. 

Where To Stay:  With all the cash you'll be dropping to get here, stay here, and play here, make no mistake about it:  Time = Money.  Staying in the park can maximize your play time and also gain you early and late admission to the parks, but you pay for the convenience in the room price.  However, the vast majority of Disney's room set-ups don't allow for much respite from the kids for Mom & Dad;  in-park suite-type or two-bedroom designs are few and far between, require reservations waay in advance, and are thusly overpriced due to demand.

Tip:  The Polynesian and The Contemporary are the only two "on-site" Disney hotels which actually abut the parks.  The rest involve additional shuttle rides to and from the monorail.  Bucking up for these two hotels could buy you another 30 minutes or so a day of park time.  My buddy Scott digs the Port Orleans complex as a good midscale lodging option on-site, although it means a tram/boat ride to get to the parks.

If the only way you can afford to take the family to Disney is by using your Marriott points, crash at Marriott's "waterslide resort" World Center Orlando (www.marriottworldcenter.com) featuring waterfall pools, Zen-like spa pools, a grotto, a waterslide, 6 hot tubs, and a "beach" for sandcastle building. 

Let the kids go nuts while you belly up to the Marriott's Pavillion Pool Bar, where waterfalls tumble from the raised bar into the resort's largest palm-lined pool. Stray from the margarita track and order a pint of the resort's signature 8701 Lager.  Then tee it up at Hawk's Nest GC (www.golfhawksnest.com) on the Marriott's golf package. Hawk's Nest is a Bob Cupp Audubon layout that personifies Florida golf: littered with palm trees, water, lush Bermuda fairways, bulkhead peninusla greens, and water-edged beach bunkers.

We had a fivesome among other extended family for our trip, so we rented a 4-bedroom house that was supposedly about 8 minutes from the parks for about $850 for a week in 2008.  Sounds reasonable, right?  However, the part you don't think about if you're not a Disney regular is that it takes roughly 35-45 minutes to enter or exit any of the parks:  ...pay for parking, drive 1/2 mile into the lot, park at the end of the row, walk over to the tram stop, wait 3 minutes for the next tram, tram to the monorail, wait 3 minutes for the next monorail, monorail to the park entrance, go through the bag search line, run your ticket through the turnstile, and navigate your way to your first attraction.  Lugging strollers, coolers, and kids all the way.  Reverse that leaving the park.  The upside of renting a house included separate rooms for all of us, and having our own screened-in pool at the house allowed us to cool off in the afternoon without the added aggravation of packing up and driving to the water park (although all of the on-site Disney hotels have pretty bitchen pools their own bad selves).

Staying outside the parks usually means renting a minivan for the week (the rental fees for which are also a trade-off in this equation), and wasting potential park time.  I suppose you could get by with hotel shuttles, but who wants to waste even more time standing around waiting on a bus to save $300 on a rental car when you already dropped $3 grand just to be here?

Also, traffic fairly well sux in Orlando.  Combine their regular business rush hours with all the tourist traffic running around, and the location of your off-site digs may be fairly critical.  We stayed in nearby Kissimmee, only to discover the entry route to our rented house (Rt. 192) was a stoplight-laden crossroads.  We actually hit a traffic jam there coming back to the house at 12:30 AM on a Saturday night!

In summary, I'd say we probably spent the better part of 2 or 3 hours a day just getting in and out of the parks from our off-site housing (also partially due to trying to hit 2 different parks each day).

Combine all of the reasons above, and I would highly recommend staying at the park if there's any way you can even almost afford it.

Where To Play (Golf, that is):  If minimizing time away from the family is a key factor, then tee it up at one of the WDW courses.  Although overpriced for the overall experience (with no refunds for cancelled tee times), they're very convenient to the park's many properties.  The PGA Tour holds an event here annually, so one would assume the on-site courses are of good quality.  Believe me, most pros attend simply as an excuse to bring the family on tour for a week at Disney.  These layouts see tons of traffic throughout the year, and the Golf.com player reviews I've read were often mixed, with more than a few complaints about conditions and value for the price.  The Eagle Pines course by Pete Dye is one of his less- punishing creations.  Joe Lee's Magnolia is a vintage lesson in the principles of Florida golf course design.  It's long, sandy, watery, and features the signature Mickey-shaped bunker.  Tom Fazio's Osprey Ridge is the premier Disney course and boasts dramatic elevation changes.  Taking the kids golfing?  Avoid the distraction of driving the golf cart and shorten the round for over-stimulated attention spans at the walking-only, family-friendly 9-hole Oak Trail course.

If your wife won't kill you for spending an extra hour or two away from the brood, the off-park courses in Orlando can still be a little pricey, but are usually a better value.  Just check their location in proximity to your lodging first, to minimize driving time.  Here's a link to a good Orlando area golf course map:  www.orlandoon-line.com/maps/maps_golf.html

The first non-Disney Orlando course that will jump to mind is Arnie's retirement lair and PGA Tour stop Bay Hill.  If you're headed for Disney with the kids, forget it.  Playing Bay Hill requires a mandatory stay at the pricey Bay Hill resort, coupled with greens fees in the $250-$325 range (neither of which is exactly conducive to maximizing family fun time at the parks).  Save this one for an empty-nester long weekend getaway with the wife once the kids are out of the house.  Better off-park options start with Orange County National, which was recommended by my buddy Kevin V., as well as T&L Golf, and came in at #8 in America on Golf World's 2008 Reader's Choice poll.  The Panther Lake course gets first billing, with Crooked Cat a close second.  T&L Golf says: "Crooked Cat traverses a higher, more barren and windswept piece of ground. The open fairways are vast, rumpled and speckled with small, randomly arranged bunkers.  Panther Lake travels through orange groves, pine forests, lakes and open prairies. Large bunkers and bold undulating greens give Panther Lake its teeth."  Both are fun, memorable, good value layouts, but it's a little bit of a drive up to Winter Park.  T&L Golf likes Mystic Dunes Golf Club 407-787-5678; www.mysticdunesgolf.com; $65–$150. Television golf analyst and Champions Tour player Gary Koch designed one of the region’s most distinctive courses here by constructing brazenly undulating greens and a powerful mix of long and short holes.  Fat Guy played Falcon's Fire in Kissimee, with Rees Jones' characteristic mounding and waste bunkering.  A great value on the weekday greens fee with generous bermuda fairways are surrounded by 160 Tour-quality bunkers, but the greens were bouncy, furry, and slow when I played it in late June (I guess they gotta keep them furry in the heat of summer).  T&L Golf also likes:  Greg Norman's Ritz Carlton Grande Lakes, where Florida marshland meets Augusta-ish green complexes.  The Norman trademark expansive waste bunkers are filled with pinkish, crushed coquina sand.  Eagle Creek combines Floridian sensibilities with European accents such as pot bunkers with revetted faces.  The Grand Cypress Resort is an Orlando golf staple, with 45 holes of mixed styles.  The Nicklaus-designed North-South combo is the best choice.  The topograhpy at Legacy Club at Alaqua Lakes seems perfectly suited to Tom Fazio's signature style, making it a favorite of local pros.  Tall native pines separate holes, and hide the surrounding housing complex.  Reunion Resort includes 18's designed by Watson and Palmer, with another from Nicklaus on the drawing board.  Play Watson's Independence routing, with rolling terrain featuring elevation changes up to 45 feet.  Southern Dunes features Florida-based architect Steve Smyers' love of sand with 183 bunkers, but the proximity of the surrounding housing complex might be distracting to some.  Shingle Creek was designed by the former course construction manager for Pete Dye and Jack Nicklaus, so it plays fast and firm, with plenty of water hazards.  It sees lots of traffic due to a convenient location near the convention center.  The two 18's at Greg Norman's ChampionsGate are distinct golf experiences; The National is a parkland course with plenty of trees, while The International features dunes, pot bunkers, and firm, fast links conditions.  MetroWest is traditional RTJ Sr. with roomy fairways, elevated tees, bunkers galore, and a handful of lakes.  The aforementioned Hawk's Landing is a Bob Cupp redesign of a Joe Lee mid-'80's course with a tough slope of 131, and centrally located near the World Center Marriott Resort, but it's pricey. 

Golf Magazine recommends the value at:  Victoria Hills, Legacy Club at Alaqua Lakes, and Southern Dunes.

Golf Magazine's Travelin' Joe's Orlando value recommendations:  "Florida golf prices are at lowest ebb during summer. Start with Falcon’s Fire (407-239-5445, www.falconsfire.com), a totally fun, Marriott-managed, Rees Jones design that was refurbished in 2010. Mounds, water hazards (memorably at the banana-shaped, 379-yard, par-4 13th) and fast, intriguingly contoured greens are highlights. Best of all, Falcon Fire’s Junior (16-and under) rate is a smokin’ $35.

A second reasonably priced favorite in O-Town is MetroWest ($49-$59; 407-299-1099, www.metrowestgolf.com), another Marriott Golf property, which sits just minutes from Universal Studios Orlando. There’s something about this 1984 Robert Trent Jones Sr. design that just agrees with me, from the Master’s familiar hazard-guarded, elevated greens, to the unusual rolling (for Florida) terrain to, well, the price tag.

Finally, you can’t be a kid in Orlando and not pay your respects to Mickey, so let’s get you over to Disney World (407-939-4653, www.Disneyworld.disney.go.com/golf) for a summer golf buffet. During June, all four of Disney’s championship tests are $59 to play between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. and $49 after 3. Even high handicaps have enough game to handle the Magnolia, which hosts the final round of a PGA Tour event every year. Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods have both won here, but Magnolia is best known for its watery finish and for its bunker at the par-3 6th, shaped in the image of Mickey Mouse’s ears.

Many contend that the Palm is every bit as good—or better—than Magnolia, while I’m of the opinion that the Tom Fazio-designed Osprey Ridge is best of the bunch.

For a pure muni experience where you can walk and pretty much wear what you want, try Dubsdread ($25-$61; 407-246-2551, www.historicaldubsdread.com), a former Tour site that dates to 1924. Juniors (17 and under) pay $16 to walk during the week, $20 on the weekend and another $8 bucks for a cart."

Park Strategy: 

TIP:  This is NOT a seat-of-your-pants type of vacation.  Plan your daily park itinerary in advance, with a park map open in front of you (just Google 'Disney maps' for advance planning sessions).  You'll probably even want to take it down to the level of listing your must-do attractions and what sequence you should hit them in to minimize walking.  Be realistic; we usually managed roughly one attraction per hour at most.  Also get a list of shows and showtimes, and factor in your must-sees accordingly.  Even if you're a lifelong 'seat-of-your-pants' kinda guy or gal, or even if you're kids personify the need for instant gratification, please take this advice anyway.  You will ultimately piss away time and money and run out of patience daily if you don't plan your days in advance.  My wife's family is a seat-of-the-pants group from top to bottom, so I just went with the flow.  I can tell you that by the third day I was ready to smack someone with all the time we were wasting deciding where to go next, walking all the way across the park to our next chosen attraction, driving between parks, and waiting in lines.  If you want to feel like you aren't wasting half the cash you dropped to be here, do yourself a favor and take 15 minutes on the day (or week) before to plan out your day's itinerary in detail.  I'd even advise writing it down and handing out a few copies if you have a large group, so everyone is on the same page.

TIP:  Keep your travel group small.  Going with a large group sounds like fun, but I can tell you that once you exceed nuclear family size, both group decision-making and just wrangling the herd become a process.  We had a group of 14, and again I bet we wasted about 2 hours a day just on decision making and regathering the group after we'd splintered or lost track of someone in the crowds.  If you must, establish pre-set times and places for the group to re-gather later if folks wander off.  Keep cell phones handy and well-charged.

TIP:  Disney's park hopper option is overrated and probably not worth the money, largely due to my tip above about this not being a seat-of-your-pants kind of vacation.  Stay in one park all day to minimize your daily logistics time.  The exception to this rule:  If you're going during summer, definitely get the water park ticket option.  An afternoon trip to the water park for a few hours on hot days might save everyone's sanity.  The potential downside to skipping the park hopper:  Running out of time to hit one or two last Must Do attractions at a park where you've already done everything else.  If so, bite the bullet, stand in the ticket window line the next day, and upgrade just for the day.

TIP:  While the 'dressing-the-whole-family-in-the-same-lime-green-t-shirt' thing is pretty hokey, it is effective in the large Disney crowds.  Maybe up the cool-factor by dressing the whole famn damily in away jerseys of your favorite football team (white--for those hot Orlando days).  If that's simply too gauche for your group, consider getting your little ones a kiddie dog tag necklace with your cell number and other pertinent info.  Tell your kids if they get lost, go to someone wearing a name tag.  The Disney folks are pretty good with lost kids.

TIP:  I hadn't been to Disney in awhile, so I didn't realize that many little girls like to dress as their favorite princess while at the park these days.  We left our 9-year-old's three princess dresses at home, and had to spring for $90 for another one at the park.  If there's a little princess in your family, pack the dresses or costumes she already has.

TIP:  If it's your first visit with the kids, or your first in awhile, start and end your week in the original Magic Kingdom.  There's nothing like the magic of your first glimpse of Cinderella's white castle to solidify your kids' memories of the trip.  Pirates Of The Carribean is still a fun underground cruise (and somewhat updated since the movie), the Haunted Mansion was my fave as a kid and hasn't changed a bit, Space Mountain still rocks, Swiss Family Robinson will have you mentally designing a great tree house to build when you get home, and the parades and fireworks will delight kids of all ages.

TIP:  If your family just isn't the type to bring sandwiches in a cooler (note:  It costs $12/day to rent a small locker if you don't want to lug your cooler around all day, so a lot of your food savings can go out the widow right there), then get the Disney meal plan.  If you are brown-baggers, there are only small lockers available, so stick with smaller, preferably soft-case coolers, and leave that mondo cooler-on-wheels at home.

TIP:  If you're bringing an infant along, you can save about $100 in a week on stroller rental fees by bringing your own.  Assuming it's a full-sized stroller (not the 'umbrella' type), it'll also serve as a great way to cart around baby gear, diapers, formula, bottles, coolers, rain gear, sun tan lotion, cameras, and purchases.  Oh, and stick a battery-powered clip fan in the stroller for your baby too.  But be sure to take any valuables with you when you park your buggy to jump on rides; one of the couples in our group had their diaper bag stolen (of all things?!).  The trade-offs:  1.  You'd better have a sizeable SUV and/or a roof rack for all the trunk space it'll take up; and 2.  Unburdening the thing at the end of a long day (and distrubting the contents to all who can still carry something) to fold it and heave it up on the seats of the tram car is a serious PITA.  The exception:  If your kids are say, ages 2-6, and will play out and get cranky from too much walking, particularly in the summer, consider renting an easy-in-easy-out toddler stroller to save yourself the aggravation late in the day.  Single stroller rentals run about $15/day, double strollers $30/day.

TIP:  Those with infants should seek out Disney's Baby Care Centers for periodic breaks.  They're subtly located and not overly advertised, so it pays to know where these are in advance.  We stumbled into one as we went to sit down to our brown bag lunch one day.  The air conditioning, Pixar videos, and free basic baby supplies were lifesavers for a cranky baby (and family) suffering from 95 degree heat.

TIP:  Hit Tomorrowland last on your Magic Kingdom swing, preferably after dark.  Your pre-teen/teenagers will love the dance-club-meets-Fifth Element feel from all the futuristic colorful lights and neon.

TIP:  Avoid entering or departing Magic Kingdom anywhere near the 3 PM, 5 PM, 9 PM, or 11PM parade times.  The parades generate right near the park entrance/exit.  The resulting crowds lining Main Street will frustrate your arrival/departure by upwards of 30 minutes, and would be an easy crowd size to lose track of a kid.

TIP:  The popular rides (i.e. most things you'll want to ride) generally see consistent wait times of 40-75 minutes during peak park hours (roughly 10AM-9PM), with a few luck-of-the-draw lulls here and there.  And I don't know about you, but after standing in line for an hour, I feel like just about any 5 minute ride is likely to disappoint versus a 60-minute standing effort to get on.  To avoid the longest lines at the hottest attractions, get an early start, head for the back of the park first and work your way out, and by all means hit the Disney FastPass machines for your must-do attractions along the way.  FastPass is essentially an appointment to skip the line during a one-hour window later in the day (save for the couple hundred other folks trickling in who also grabbed FastPasses for that hour), and it's free.  It's absolutely the best way to get your money's worth and avoid spending half the day in line.  Hit one of your back-of-the-park, must-do attractions first thing, then FastPass the rest of the day.  If you're not the early-riser-type, or if the parks just take too much out of you to hit the ground running at 9AM every day, another strategy is to hit the most popular rides in the last hour or so before the park closes, when many families with younger kids have already headed back to the hotel.

TIP:  Unless you've got a pretty mature kid with a good attention span and a penchant for history and geography, Epcot has gotten pretty dated since it's 1980's inception.  Actually, it pretty much sux.  They've tried to keep up with modern interactive technologies in the front-end Future World, but the World Showcase section of the park doesn't play well to today's video game sensibilities (plus it's a pretty good walk around that loop).  If you're going just to sample some of the international cuisine, make restaurant reservations well in advance.  Our seat-of-the-pants dinner-time inquiry at the surprisingly expensive Italian restaurant ($25-$35 entrées and run by a snooty, un-Disneylike staff from Italy) revealed a 4 hour wait for a table.  Travel Channel's Samantha Brown says the Grand Marnier orange slush served at a small stand in front of France ($8) is the best adult beverage in Disney (I thought it was OK).  So overall, if you're limited on time and are looking for ways to trim your itinerary, Epcot would be the first park I'd skip.

Universal Studios

TIP:  Know your audience.  Disney is the fuschizzle if you've got kids under 11, no doubt.  But if you've got pre-teens, teenagers, or a fair mix of older kids and adults, I almost guarantee they'll prefer Universal over Disney.  The Disney vibe is just so wholesome, so clean, with such a time warp hangover, making it great for younger kids.  But something about Universal's entrance through the City Walk immediately conjured up current-day California for me… the modernist concrete-and-metal canyon architecture mimics that of urban upscale outdoor malls in L.A. and San Diego.  Add in the Hollywood vibe of the park, and a slightly hipper, less-East-Coast crowd than Disney, and I found myself having to remember I was in Florida, not SoCal.  While Universal still has some great kid's stuff like Shrek 4D, a Jimmy Neutron simulator, and an E.T. ride, the overall mix of rides seems a little more intense and adult.  The Mummy is a pretty wicked indoor roller coaster that shoots fire out of the walls, the Jaws ride is an old standby that'll scare the young'uns out of the water all summer, the Men In Black ride definitely has adult overtones, and even The Simpsons ride is a massive semi-intense 180-degree simulator.  We didn't make it to the adjoining Islands of Adventure park, but there were a few nasty-looking coasters over there too.  If your kids are all over 12, I'd seriously contemplate staying at Universal, with a  couple-day run over to Disney, instead of the other way around.

TIP:  Universal's $22/day in-park meal plan might be a decent value for your family, assuming you're willing to skip the glitz and glam of all the City Walk restaurants.

TIP:  Given the large amount of dough you paid just to get here and get a room, the Universal Express pass option is money well spent to maximize the value of your time here.  If you're not sure it's worth it, just stand in line in June heat for 90 minutes with a hyperactive 9-year-old for the 6-minute Simpsons ride like I did.

Where To Booze At The Parks:  Universal's City Walk is a great spot for that Mom & Dad night out if you have a babysitting option (try the Disney hotels' child care centers for ages 5-12, 4:30 PM-Midnight, $11/hour, 2 hour min, reservations required).  At CityWalk, you'll see a hotter crowd than you've been seeing at Disney all week, with soccer moms dolled up for their once-a-year excuse to wear their sexy little black dresses, gaggles of MILFs on girls'-night-out excursions, hottie locals, and attractive Baby Boomer couples dressed to impress.  Hotspots include Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville (arrive early and patient to land a table), an outpost of New Orleans hurricane specialist Pat O'Briens featuring a Cajun menu, a Bob Marley's reggae bar, the largest Hard Rock Café in the country, a Nascar Café sports bar with a great outdoor area right on the promenade, a karaoke bar, a couple dance clubs, and hip shopping (like Tommy Bahama).  Free club admission with park ticket, or consider the club hopper pass for about $20.  

We didn't get a chance to check out Downtown Disney, which features a Planet Hollywood, dueling-piano-sing-along bar Jellyrolls, the dockside Margarita bar, and an ESPN Zone for catching the game among other venues, but I've read good things and assume it's got a similar vibe.

Here's a great resource if Mom & Dad can sneak away for a few hours:  www.wdwforgrownups.com.  They recommend some great little relaxation spots like the Banana Cabano pool bar in Disney's Carribean Resort at Old Port Royale for good frozen concoctions, Hurricane Hanna's counter bar at Disney's Beach & Yacht Club, and Petals Pool Bar at Pop Centruy Resort.

Best Bar, Orlando:  Travel Channel likes Big Bamboo Lounge (4849 W. Irlo Bronson Mem Pkwy, behind Publix). A cross between kitschy diner and tiki bar, it's a theme bar by accident. Order the house drink "The Bamboozler" with rum, rum, more rum, and some other stuff. No food is served but it's B.Y.O.F., making the Chinese take-out across the street very popular. Downtown, try Waitiki Retro Tiki Lounge (19 N. Orange), and order the giant Kowabunga burger. Golf Magazine says head for Sam Snead's Tavern (2461 S. Hiawassee Rd). An American-style grill with salads, pasta, seafood, steaks, and homemade soups served amid Sam Snead memorabilia, with regular sightings of the Golf Channel's on-air talent at the hopping bar. T&L Golf says the trendy Eola Yacht Club in Downtown Orlando is great for cocktails. Live music at The Sapphire, pub atmosphere at Pine Street, or for martinis try Ybor's or Tanqueray's. Or try Miller’s Lake Buena Vista Ale House (Pub fare); 407-239-1800. Great bar food, TV's galore, and an ample beer selection make this the spot to swap postround stories or watch a game. Tiger used to party at Blue Martini, before his wife busted him for it. Or hit chain Bahama Breeze (owned by the same folks who do Olive Garden and Red Lobster, www.bahamabreeze.com) for top-notch food and service, peruse a full menu of gooey blender drinks the expansive outdoor lounge.

Fat Guy once met a great-looking dancer who had formerly worked at a high class Gentlemen's club named Rachel's in Orlando (401 E Altamonte Dr, Altamonte Springs, 407-767-2977).  Rachel's got great reviews online at TheUltimateStripClubList.com, with a high average rating of 8.33/10, consistenly mentioning gorgeous talent, and even recommending Rachel's steakhouse.  HOWEVER, the drinks are pricey, and due to strict local ordinances, Orlando area table dances were repeatedly described as "all-air", and are very, very tame (as if one would expect anything more in the wholesome land of Mickey's backyard).  Overall, if you're a G-man's club regular, the Orlando experience sounds too frustrating to even bother. If it's your lone annual trip to a strip club, you'll probably go home with a grin and more interested in the wife than usual.

Orlando Must Do's:
-Animal Kingdom's African Safari.  With a few adult beverages at the African marketplace bar afterwards to cool off from the "It's-like-Africa-hot" heat.

-Animal Kingdom's Pangini Forest Exploration Trail, featuring gorilla habitats and underwater hippo viewing.  Here's how sick of a golfer I am: While strolling through the faux cliff waterfalls of the gorilla habitat, I'm thinking, "Wow, you could drop a really gorgeous drop-shot par-3 in here." 

-Disney's Blizzard Beach water park.  This thing is the size of a small town, with a 1-1/2 mile lazy river, massive wave pool, areas specifically designed for toddlers and pre-teens, all the twisting tube and mat slides you can handle, plus a towering drop slide that shoots you straight down at 60+ mph.  Won Travel Channel's #1 water park in the U.S. a few years ago.

-For girls under 10:  The Princess Breakfast at Cinderella's castle, with all the Disney princess characters.  $45pp, with 8" x 11" pic included.  Advance reservations required.  Combine it with a Princess makeover ($65) at either Magic Kingdom or Downtown Disney.  Pricey, but it's worth a lifelong memory.

-The Aerosmith indoor roller coaster at Disney's Hollywood/MGM Studios.  Just the initial acceleration will make you question your previous knowledge of physics.

-Star Wars weekends at Disney's Hollywood/MGM Studios.  Minor actor autograph sessions, pics with characters, and interactive young Jedi training sessions.  The Star Tours ride is a semi-lame simulator when you think about some other potential attractions they could have built around this landmark franchise, but I've read they've been doing some updates to this area (and the simulator) since my visit.

-Universal's Terminator 3D simulator.  The pre-show video is hokey, but the 3D effects rock.

-Universal's The Simpson's simulator.  A must-do for long-time fans of the show, but beware the long line.  As many thrills as laughs.

-Discovery Cove.  Swim with the dolphins at this must-do for that budding veterinarian stage all kids go through.

-Golf at Orange County National, Legacy Club at Alaqua, or Southern Dunes.  Penny pinchers should play Falcon's Fire on a weekday.

Where To Grub:  We packed lunches and cooked dinner at our rented house most nights, so I won't pretend to have a ton of first-hand knowledge here.  One thing I can say is DO NOT go to a seafood buffet called Angel's in Kissimmee.  Here's some info I've gathered from friends and magazines over the years:

Grub At The Parks: California Grill at The Contemporary Resort 15th Fl.  Eclectic gourmet specializing in CA cuisine. OR, ESPN Club @ Disney's Boardwalk Inn, wingy, ribs, burgers, and sports. OR, 50's Prime Cafe @ MGM Studios, classic diner fare with sassy service, park admission required. OR, Flying Fish Cafe, @ Disney's Boardwalk Inn has new American seafood. OR, Wolfgang Puck Grand Cafe, 1482 E. Buena Vista Dr, Downtown Disney West Side, everything from seafood to fusion. Tom likes Coral Reef at Epcot, gourmet dining in front of a 30,000 gallon aquarium. Great presentation of the food, massive portions, and a chart to identify all the fish.

Where To Grub, Orlando: Orlando might besecond only to Vegas when it comes to steakhouses. Jeff Sluman recommends Del Frisco's (729 Lee Rd, 407-645-4443) for steaks. OR, a strip of popular restaurants has sprung up on Sand Lake Dr, near I-4 and International Dr: Timpano Italian Chophouse (407-248-0429); Samba Room (407-226-0550); Morton's (407-248-3485); Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (407-226-3900); and Roy's (407-352-4844). For BBQ, hit Bubbalou's Bodacious BBQ. T&L Golf says for Southern cooking, try Louis' Downtown. OR great city view at Manuel's On The 28, order the ostrich and elk. T&L Golf digs Charley’s Steakhouse (Steak); 407-363-0228. Expect generous, satisfying cuts of wood-fired, USDA Prime beef here.

If you play Orange County National up in Winter Park, hit Four Rivers Smokehouse for some legit Southern BBQ.

Disney, In summary:
-Go in October, right after Labor Day, early December, or January/early February to avoid the crowds
-Consider Amtrak's auto train as an alternative to driving
-Stay at one of the hotels inside the park if you can even come close to affording it
-Keep your travel group small if possible
-Plan your daily park itinerary in advance
-Skip Epcot if you're pressed for time
-Start at the back of the park and use Disney's FastPass as much as possible
-Teens, pre-teens, and hipster adults will probably prefer Universal Studios to Disney
-Hit Universal's City Walk for nightlife
-Forget playing Bay Hill due to mandatory resort stays.  Golf at Orange County National, Legacy Club at Alaqua, or Southern Dunes.  Penny pinchers should play Falcon's Fire on a weekday.

Sample Itinerary, 10 days total, 6 days vacation from work:

Day 1 (Sat):  Depart via auto train from Lorton, VA.  Arrive at the Lorton station about 2 PM.
Day 2 (Sun):  Arrive Sanford, FL around 9 AM.  Depart with car around 10.  Drive to Orlando (about an hour), have lunch, check in to your hotel, unpack, gauge energy levels.  Have dinner, then do a night session at Magic Kingdom.  Hit a favorite ride or two, stroll through Tomorrowland, then take in the parade and nightly fireworks.

Day 3 (Mon):  Animal Kingdom.  It's just about a full day, maybe a hair more.
Day 4 (Tues):  Universal Studios.
Day 5 (Wed):  A good day to sneak off for a morning round of golf after 5 solid days of family, while they do a 1/2 day @ Epcot (Future World only- very interactive to keep the kiddies occupied while Mom plays a one-woman zone).  Hit a waterpark or finish up a previous park in the afternoon/evening.  Or consider substituting Sea World.

Day 6 (Thurs):  Do a second day at Universal and Islands Of Adventure.
Day 7 (Fri):  Hit Disney's Hollywood/MGM Studios for Star Wars Weekend.  One day should be plenty if you're a good planner and use FastPass.
Day 8 (Sat):   A potential good slot for a second round in the AM before one last day at Magic Kingdom.
Day 9 (Sun):  Pack, check out of hotel.  Kill some time with some off-park souvenir shopping and lunch.  Drive an hour back to Sanford for the auto train.  Arrive at Sanford around 2 PM.

Day 10 (Mon):  Arrive Lorton, VA around 9 AM.  Depart with car around 10.  This should leave you 1/2 day at home to mow the lawn, do some laundry, and rest up from the trip.

See Also:  Golf mag Orlando profiles at Orlando FL Golf Weekend