Fat Guy's Baltimore MD Golf Weekend

by Fat Guy

Baltimore is one of those half-forgotten Northeast metros whose most relevant current pop culture reference might be the Ace Of Cakes' Duff Goldman from Charm City Cakes. But they've still got the original and quite probably the best waterfront urban renaissance area at the Inner Harbor, and the original and quite probably the best retro baseball park in Camden Yards, and all among a gritty, historical Northeastern character. And with good value golf scattered up and down I-95 and the various Beltways, it's definitely worth a golf weekend. I had two good friends and an ex-fiance' who lived here at various points through the '90's, and I've been back for a couple visits since, so I know my way around a little.

My philosophy on hotel selection has always been, "Stay within stumbling distance of nightlife, and drive to the course in the morning." The Inner Harbor's Hyatt is probably the best hotel location-wise, but to cut the room price in half, brave the short 3 block walk to the Days Inn Inner Harbor. Stylishly remodeled modern rooms, a restaurant on-site, an adjacent parking garage, and a shaded outdoor pool make it well worth the $79/night we paid through Hotels.com in 2010 (parking will bump it up over the $100 mark, but that's true of any downtown hotel). Most of the spots listed below are within walking distance from either hotel.

The Inner Harbor is a great way to blow a post-round afternoon or two. Mosey around the various shops looking for that perfect gift for the woman you left back home, or the kids. Have a pint at Irish pub Tir Na Nog. Grab lunch at Dick's Last Resort, a fun spot for getting abused while chowing on good finger food. The waitstaff gives great banter, adorns you with silly paper hats scrawled with insulting labels, and generally treats you as an annoyance. Napkins and rolls are flung at you. It's a fun gimmick, but the humor is rated-R, so don't take the young'uns. Their BBQ pork riblets are surprisingly good. Then spend a couple hours at the Baltimore Aquarium, an architectual marvel of pools, tanks, breezeways, theaters, gift shops, cafe's, and a massive dolphin show. Catch part of a game at the ESPN Zone, located in a former power plant. Have a great seafood dinner at Ocean City MD institution Phillip's. Order the mushroom caps stuffed with crab imperial, fresh steamed Maryland hardshell blue crabs, and try not to fill up on the best warm sourdough rolls on the planet slathered with salty-sweet farm fresh butter.

  Phillip's Seafood Inner Harbor

I'd also highly recommend coordinating your trip dates with an Orioles home stand to take in a game at Camden Yards (www.baltimore.orioles.mlb.com). The orignal throwback ballpark is still the best in my opinion. Ever since my first visit, I've always said, "A little piece of God lives there." Be sure to snag some Boog Powell's BBQ from the stand on Eutaw Street. Pre-and-post-game, party at Pickle's Pub, named Baltimore's Best Sports Bar by City Paper readers, and located on Camden Street right across the street from the park.

Inner Harbor is surrounded by some great party/foodie neighborhoods. The two main bar districts are Fell's Point, one of the original urban-rennaisance projects and a beehive of mixed crowds, and Federal Hill, home of the Yuppie-crowd-gone-somewhat-blue-collar. Bohager's (701 S. Eden) is a classic Fell's Point indoor/outdoor meat market. In Federal Hill, hit Mother's Bar & Grill for a burger they literally named "Heart Attack On A Plate":  An 8 oz. beer battered burger stuffed with cheddar cheese, then deep fried. You can scarcely go wrong with most of the fantastic Italian restaurants in Little Italy, which lies conveniently between the Inner Harbor and Fell's Point. 

For exploring outside the Inner Harbor, you gotta try the Belgian-style homebrews at Brewer's Art worth of an Esquire Best Bars In America nomimation (North Charles St, www.thebrewersart.com), the crab dip at Looney's in Canton, or the wings at Mick O'Shea's (328 N Charles, www.mickosheas.com).

Boys Night Out: Three blocks from the Inner Harbor you'll find Baltimore's best Gentlemen's club, Larry Flint's Hustler Club (409 E Baltimore, www.hustlerclubs.com). Voted as the #1 Gentlemen's club chain in the country by Exotic Dancer magazine, and also Baltimore's #1 club by the readers of local City Paper (www.citypaper.com). Or hit the Baltimore outpost of the Scores chain of Gentlemen's clubs (615 Fallsway, 410-528-1117).

Tip:  Baltimore is fine during the daytime, but it's always been a little rough around the edges, so at night I would definitely walk through town in pairs or foursomes, be very aware of your surroundings, and not venture into unfamiliar territory. I'd recommend a cab back to the hotel at the end of the night so you don't put yourself in that position of stumbling back late night (especially alone) and wandering onto the wrong block. Fell's Point and Federal Hill are more or less too far to walk from the Inner Harbor hotels anyway.

Start your second afternoon on the Inner Harbor at one of the better Hooters locations I've been to, with city and water views and an outdoor deck. Their wings suck, but you're there for the Hooters. Take in a historical tour of the sailing schooner Constellation, then check out the claustrophobic guts of a WWII submarine. Grab dinner at the harborfront Rusty Scupper.

Or, for something more upscale, head a half block from the Inner Harbor for meat lover's paradise Brazilian steakhouse Fogo de Chao. Or Amtrak's Arrive Magazine recommends Ixia (518 N. Charles St., www.ixia-online.com ) a "pillow-talk-reclining dining" experience. Eye candy abounds, from the chic urban clientele to the electric-hued art prints. Then there's the assortment of Italian-designed lounge furniture, including 2 Queen-sized beds upholstered in silver metallic and red snakeskin. The decor resembles a modernized version of a '40's supper club. On Sundays, try breakfast in bed with tempura Chilean sea bass and scrambled eggs in Thai yellow curry sauce. The live Jazz brunch is served 11:00-3:00.

For great steamed Maryland blue crabs in the Southwestern 'burbs near BWI Airport, my buddy Rick recommends Gunning's (7304 Parkway Dr, Hanover, www.gunningsonline.com) as the best he' ever had.

GOLF

As for golf, there are some good value courses in the area, and it's worth the drive to the outskirts to have the Harbor as your home base.

Blue Mash- Golf Magazine Review: The design features wide landing areas, small greens, and minimal bunkering. No forced carries on this gently rolling layout, although the lake comes into play on more than half the holes on the back 9. Walkers welcome.

Cross Creek- Golf Magazine Review: This rugged layout features rolling fairways, sharp elevation changes, and impressive rock outcrops. Portions of the back 9 are routed through an old gravel quarry. Water ups the challenge on 13 holes.

Waverly Woods- Golf.com Review: This forest-surrounded course has wide fairways, so golfers must be sure not to hit too far astray, else they'll be searching for their balls in the deep, dark woods. The rolling topography makes tee shots a breeze, but small greens demand accurate approaches.

Bulle Rock- Havre De Grace MD. Northern MD's pricey Must Play, and home of an LPGA Major.  Well worth the hour's drive north of Baltimore on I-95.

Golf Magazine Course Bulle Rock Spy (2008) Fees: $150 www.bullerockgolf.com,

SERVICE: You haven't seen this many guys approach your car since the deluxe wax treatment at the car wash. Unfortunately, service in the clubhouse was almost nonexistent. We had to ask the hostess in an empty dining room to find the bartender.

PACE OF PLAY: The course was pretty clear, and when one group caused a holdup, a ranger was there right away, and we never waited again. That said, this is a demanding course, so expect a four-hours-plus round.

QUALITY: Bulle Rock is ranked No. 26 on Golf Magazine's Top 100 Courses You Can Play, and it delivers that quality. Knee-knocking tee shots, small greens and brutal rough made us feel like we were playing in a major.

VALUE: Anytime you spend more than $50 on a course, it's an expensive day, but Bulle Rock delivers. The course doesn't jack up the rate on weekends, either, so you won't need to take a day off from work — unless you want to.

VERDICT: This has to make the must-play list for anyone who lives near Baltimore, Philly or Washington, all less than two hours away. Bulle Rock is not a destination resort, but it's worth a detour if you're visiting the Chesapeake Bay region.

Mountain Branch- Golf.com Review: The course embodies a variety of styles, with rolling fairways, some of which are open and some tree-lined. The greens are medium sized and not too severely undulating, and play at a moderate speed of about 10 in the stimpmeter. Water comes into play on 4 holes. Good food at the grill room.

Here's a decent area golf guide I stumbled across on TravelHost.com:

Compass Pointe- Pasadena MD www.compasspointegolf.com. 4 nines, woodlands, water, $28-$60.

Geneva Farms- Street MD @ Rock State Park, www.genevafarmgolf.com. Rolling farmland terrain, ample bunkers, water, $24-$57.

Greystone- White Hall MD, www.baltimoregolfing.com. A challenging muni, $20-$36.

Pine Ridge- Lutherville MD, www.bmgcgolf.com. Golf Digest 4 stars, 'perrenial top public course', surrounded by the Loch Raven resevoir, $20-$49.

Rocky Point- Essex MD, www.baltimoregolfing.com. Scenic, with views of the Chesapeake Bay. $20-$49.

The Woodlands- Woodlawn MD, www.baltimoregolfing.com. Rolling wooded terrain, next to Diamond Ridge, 36 holes, $20-$49.

Timbers at Troy- Elkridge MD, www.timbersgolf.com. 'Top public championship course', good facilities, Shady Oak Grill on-premisis, $36-$46.

Zane Lamprey's Drinking Made Easy Guide To Baltimore, 2011

Baltimore gets a visit from Zane Lamprey, Steve McKenna and good ol’ Pleepleus. The city lies next to the Chesepeake Bay and is one of Maryland’s top tourist attractions. Baltimore also plays a spot in much of America’s history and is home to the historic Battle of Baltimore in the War of 1812 and is the location of the first causality of the American Civil War. Francis Scot Key also wrote the Star Spangled Banner while imprisoned on an enemy ship in the Chesepeake Bay. Zane and Steve will explore the countryside full of distilleries and breweries as well as some of the nations oldest saloons.

WHERE WE WENT

• Distillery Lane Ciderworks: Distillery Lane Ciderworks, located just outside of the town limits of historic Burkittsville, Maryland, specializes in growing a wide variety of apples perfect for cider, baking, and eating. Our family-owned and operated farm offers unique apple varieties, sweet cider, and hard cider. Our farm store opens Labor Day weekend and stays open on the weekends until we sell out of fresh apples and cider. 5533 Gapland Rd Jefferson, MD 21755, (301) 834-8920
• Bad Decisions: A place for those memories you will never forget, and the decisions you wish you could. Bad Decisions is a uniquely spirited bar with a large assortment of custom drinks, all hand-written in their infamous cocktail book. 1928 Fleet Street, Baltimore, MD 21231
• Flying Dog Brewery: From a brewpub in Aspen, Colorado to a full-fledged Denver brewery, and then to a state-of-the-art brewing facility in Frederick, Maryland, Flying Dog stands for not only extraordinary beer, but also for standing tall, doing great things, and not letting anyone make you eat shit. 4607 Wedgewood Boulevard Frederick, MD 21703-7120 (301) 694-7899
• Mr. Rain’s Funhouse: This artsy and highly imaginative restaurant opened at The American Visionary Art Museum in November of 2009 serving contemporary American cuisine created by Chef Bill Buszinski. The progressive beverage program created by Perez Klebahn, highlights handcrafted cocktails, artisanal wines and small batch beers aimed to compliment the seasonal menu. 800 Key Highway in Baltimore (443) 524-7379
• Baltimore Lacrosse Club: The Baltimore Lacrosse Club, Inc is a 501-C-3 state registered non profit. It is there goal to provide an exceptional lacrosse experience. They field one team per age group and provide top notch coaching for that team. 822 W. Lake Ave, Baltimore, MD
• The Abbey Burger Bistro: Labeled as Maryland’s “Greatest Burger Joint” by USA Today, The Abbey Burger Bistro has a collection of tasty burgers and delicious drinks (not to mention the Berger cookies!). 1041 Marshall Street Baltimore, MD 21230 (443) 453-9698
• The Horse You Came In On: Holding the title as America’s oldest continually ran saloon, The Horse You Came In On has been serving drinks since 1775! Yep, even during the prohibition (don’t tell). The bar also served as the favorite watering hole of poet Edgar Allen Poe. The bar also features live music every night and their famous Jack Daniel’s Club. 1626 Thames St Baltimore, MD 21231

Let Zane Buy You A Shot!

Zane has a bottle of Jack Daniel’s reserved at The Horse You Came In On. Come in to watch Drinking Made Easy Wednesday night at 8pm and give the secret password to get a free shot! Learn more about it here!

WHAT WE DRANK

Zombie Island Recipe

Ode to Joy Recipe

Crush Velvet Recipe

Italiano A Parigi Recipe

The Berger Cookie Recipe