Cypresswood GC (Tradition Course)
Spring, TX (outside Houston)
1998, Keith Foster
Back Tees 7220 74.4 134 72
Middle Tees 6640 71.4 129 72
Fees: ~$75 plus cart
Golfcourse.com Review: This club features 3 regulation 18-hole courses. Both the Creek and Cypress courses play basically the same, though the Creek Course is a few shots easier. There are water hazards that come into play on some holes. The Cypress Course is a target course with more dogleg fairways and water hazards coming into play than the Creek Course. The Tradition Course opened for play in 1998. Rolling, tree-lined fairways give this course a look not typical of this region. The signature hole is #12, a picturesque 543-yard, par 5, which features a sizeable bunker in the middle of the fairway, approximately 240 yards from the tee. Greater distance can be gained from the tee shot if it carries the sand bunker, since the fairway has a considerable slope after the bunker. A bunker on the front side of the green and a creek that runs along the length of the hole add further challenge to this hole.
Best Bar Nearby: For a great Gentlemen's club, Atlantis (www.atlantis68.com ) makes my Top 5.
The night I stumbled onto and into Atlantis felt like two converging movie scenes out of From Dusk 'Til Dawn and Finding Nemo. Take 45 South then bang a left onto 646, head a mile or so out into the Texas wilds, and this kitschy-cool Gentlemen's Club southeast of Houston appears like a neon oasis in the middle of nowhere.
As you pull in the gravel lot, a Mexican-roadhouse vibe combines with a sheet-metal-walled-auto-body-shop kinda building and a vaguely Vegas-like neon exterior, for a not-unpleasant overall effect, surrounded by palm trees with a small fountain out front. Pay the $5 cover and pass through the door to immerse yourself in the over-the-top underwater theme inside. Plush, high-backed chairs surround the surreal stage, which is backed by a massive, cartoonish white sculptured plaster backdrop, designed to look like either a giant underwater white coral reef, or a huge foaming crashing wave, I'm not sure which. From the condition and cleanliness of the place, it couldn't have been open for much more than a year when I discovered it in around 2002 (pray that it's still there, it's worth a trip).
As I took in the room it seemed too good to be true: a reasonable cover charge, decor so tacky and surreal yet somehow well-done enough to make it oddly hip, somewhat above-average and plentiful talent, the furniture was new and of good quality, clean newish carpeting, and as my eyes swung around the place I counted only 6 swingin' d!cks in the whole joint -- including the bartender, DJ, and manager. An entire VIP balcony upstairs was completely empty.
I scanned the room to see if Quentin Tarantino was seated stageside writing me into this scene; or if perhaps Marcellus Wallace was holding court at a back table, or Vincent Vega was seated at the bar next to a Mexican vampire. No Quentin, no Vincent, but it sure as he!l felt like I had stumbled into the exotic-dance-club-equivalent of Jack Rabbit Slim's.
Fresh off a booze-soaked business dinner I headed straight for the john. Normally I loathe bathroom attendants just for the concept (I'm supposed to fork over a buck-a-p!ss just 'cuz you put some cologne on the counter, handed me a paper towel, and offered me a mint? Get a job!), but this attendant was an older, thin black guy with one of those easy demeanors and soft ryhthmic voices that just draws you into a conversation. After a pleasant chat I gladly handed the guy $2, grabbed a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint, and headed out for the bar.
I got accosted by a hottie named Haley as soon as I sidled up. The 6 bucks the bartender asked me for when he sat down my gin & tonic came as the only little unpleasant suprise of the night; not that $6 is a ton for a mixed drink at strip bars in general, but maybe for one this remote. Guess they gotta build margin somehow with a $5 cover. Haley and I had a couple drinks and played that special, shallow Gentlemen's club brand of Get-Ta-Know-Ya.
With 9 girls dancing and maybe 3-5 guys in the whole place, ratios were outstanding and competition was fierce. While my friend from the bar was on stage, 2 other girls tried to steal me away. A single $1 tip would get you all the attention you could ask for. The tunes were good, as is true for most Gentlemen's clubs; dancers usually pick their own songs and generally have great taste in music.
Lap dances were $20 and pretty much full contact, although not quite to Cheerleaders levels -- probably highly dependent on the dancer -- with no bouncer or supervision whatsoever.
I left alot lighter in the wallet, but wearing a big ol' grin, thinking that between the talent, the decor, and having the joint basically to myself, Atlantis was probably one of my Top 5 Gentlemen's club experiences ever! Which, if you know me at all, really is saying something.
Another area option I'd be remiss in not mentioning is Houston chain Rick's Place, where Anna Nicole Smith started her "career".
Maximum Golf (a short-lived golf mag by the guys at Maxim) says when in Houston, be sure to hit The Big Easy Social & Pleasure Club, 5731 Kirby Dr, genuine grizzled blues on stage, and from Thursday to Sunday there's a late night BBQ chef out front to satisfy late night munchies. OR, The Continental Club, 3700 Main St, Houston outpost of famous Austin club features mixed bag of TX music. Check out Lil' Joe Washington's Wednesday night happy hour for the wildest blues on the planet. OR, West Alabama Ice House, 1919 W. Alabama St, tin-roofed shed with short bar, picnic tables, pool table, and good juke, a blue-collar joint. OR, T.K. Bitterman's, 2010 W. Alabama St, quiet watering hole on first floor of converted house, good place to catch a game, award-winning martinis. OR, The Fabulous Satellite Lounge (aka "Fab Sat"), 3616 Washington Ave, only survivor of the old school live music strip in Houston, brings in mid- and national-level live acts. Tip: If Reckless Kelly from Austin is playing, the female-to-male ratio goes through the roof. OR, Fitzgerald's, 2706 White Oak Dr, rambling converted Polish dance hall, eclectic music, divey.
For food, Maximum Golf recommends Goode Company Texas Seafood, 2621 Westpark Dr, regional "Louis-exican", try the Po-Boys or the crab/shrimp campechana seafood cocktail. OR, Drexler's World Famous BBQ, 2020 Dowling St, owned by Clyde The Glide's older brother James, features old school pit smoked BBQ. OR, Kim Son, 2001 Jefferson St, ornate Vietnamese dining. OR, Hofbrau, 1803 N. Shepard Dr, old school steakhouse with TX longhorn decor, good martinis, good service. OR, La Mexicana, 1018 Fairview St, authentic Mexican food, great Mexican breakfast too, outdoor dining. Playboy named Pappas Bros. Steakhouse one of the Top 10 Steakhouses in America. Big and friendly like all of Texas, with darkwood, roomy leather booths with phones, a chef's counter where you can watch the cooking, a cigar lounge, a 1500-bottle wine cellar, and a great bar with an impressive array of single-malt scotches and cognacs. Popular with the pro athelete set. Go for the delicious crab cakes, a fiery turtle gumbo, the crunchiest onion rings in Texas, a 2&1/2 inch thick filet, and the Moon Pie for dessert, followed by brandy and cigars. And I don't know who Pappa is, but he must own half of Houston. Pappas mega-regional chain of themed restaurants includes Pappadeaux (outstanding upscale Cajun at mid-scale prices, order the blackened catfish imperial and the Oreo chocolate mousse pie) & Pappasita's (TexMex, order the diablo shrimp). Playboy also likes the beef at Vallone's (2811 Kirby Dr). Exceptional beef, excellent seafood. Tracy likes the BBQ at regional chain Luther's BBQ.