The Battleground @ Deer Park
Deer Park, TX (SE of Houston)
www.deerparktx.gov/department/index.php?fDD=8-0
1996, Tom Knickerbacker
Back 6943 73.6 130 72
Middle 6305 70.8 125 72
Fees: ~$42 plus cart Wknd
Fat Guy Review, 2000: This isn't bad for a muni, saves itself from the typical with fairways narrowed by enough water to make a couple sleeves disappear, big variations in tee positions, water carry approaches, and a few blind water hazards crossing mid-fairway. Nice mix of short par 3's. Greens had been top dressed and were pretty slow. Rough was cut short, overall conditions were average. Solid pro shop. Crappy rental clubs.
Where To Booze & Grub Nearby: There's a Hooter's a few blocks down the road, or hit Moment's Gentlemen's Club (5133 Spencer Hwy, Pasadena). The interior was a shade on the old-school-burlesque side, lots of wood panels, and suitably dark. An 8-seater bar and lots of rolling 4-tops surround the round stage, but conspicuously absent are any stage-side seats, relieving you of the obligatory $2-per-dancer tariff. I was there on a random Monday evening, and to be honest, I was ready to be disappointed in the joint. There were only 2 dancers on duty, and neither one was on stage for the first 2-1/2 songs that played after I bellied up to the bar. Then Dylan came out. WOW. Barely 18 years old, about to graduate high school, stupid tight and curvy, only dancing for 2 months, claimed to be in it for the excercise and thrill more than the money, and wore her 5-inch stripper heels to the prom. Couch dances were worth the $20 freight, with no house rules to speak of. Worth a visit just for a chance that she's on duty.
For grub, hit nearby Houston TexMex chain Gringo's, or for some legit Texas BBQ head for local chain Tony's Barbeque & Steakhouse (www.tonysbbq.com). Order the 2 meat combo dinner with the sliced brisket and links sausage. Really, really good BBQ. A little bit more of a drive, my local hosts also recommended Grand Prize BBQ (2223 Palmer Hwy Texas City, 3002 E Pasadena Fwy Pasadena, www.grandprizebarbeque.com) as Houston's best. Order the Super Chop sandwich, chopped brisket and link sausage surrounded by Jalepeno Cheese Bread, and their sauce has some kick to it.
Best Bar Nearby, Houston: Hit Houston gentlemen's club chain Rick's Place, where Anna Nicole Smith started her "career".
Maximum Golf says get to The Big Easy Social & Pleasure Club, 5731 Kirby Dr, genuine grizzled live blues with a late night BBQ chef out front weekends. OR, Continental Club, 3700 Main St, outpost of famous Austin club features mixed bag of TX music like Lil' Joe Washington's wild Wed. night blues happy hour. OR, head for W Alabama St for West Alabama Ice House, tin-roofed shed with short bar, picnic tables, pool table, and good juke, a blue-collar joint, and T.K. Bitterman's, a quiet watering hole on 1st floor of converted house for sports-watching and award-winning martinis. OR, The Fabulous Satellite Lounge (aka "Fab Sat"), 3616 Washington Ave, only survivor of the old school live music strip in Houston, brings in national-level acts. Tip: If Reckless Kelly from Austin is playing, the female-to-male ratio goes through the roof. OR, Fitzgerald's, 2706 White Oak Dr, rambling converted Polish dance hall, eclectic music, divey.
Where To Grub: Beef and seafood rule in Houston. Playboy named Pappas Bros. Steakhouse one of the Top 10 Steakhouses in America. Big and friendly like all of TX, with darkwood, roomy leather booths with phones, a chef's counter where you can watch the cooking, a cigar lounge, a huge wine cellar, and a great bar with an impressive array of single-malts and cognacs. Popular with the pro athelete set. Go for the delicious crab cakes, a fiery turtle gumbo, the crunchiest onion rings in TX, a 3" thick filet, and Moon Pie for dessert, followed by brandy and cigars. And I don't know who Pappa is, but he must own half of Houston. Pappa's mega-regional chain of themed restaurants (www.pappas.com) includes Pappadeaux (outstanding upscale Cajun at mid-scale prices, order the blackened catfish imperial and the Oreo chocolate mousse pie); Pappasita's (TexMex, order the diablo shrimp or the fajitas), and Pappas BBQ. Locals recommend the TexMex at local chain Gringo's Kitchen. Half the reason to hit Gringo's is an ungodly high ratio of hotties. Their slogan should be: "Come for the food, stay for the eye candy." Of course, I was loaded on Mikeys at the time. Expect a wait for a table and sit at the bar. The outgoing bartenders will take good care of you with flowing libations and great nachos, and the food is worth the wait. Try the fajita burrito, stuffed with cheese and tasty fajita beef. Playboy also likes the exceptional beef and seafood at Vallone's (2811 Kirby Dr). Midscalers may want to try Texas regional chain Salt Grass Steakhouse instead, for well-prepared cuts of quality meat. Maximum Golf recommends Goode Co. Texas Seafood, 2621 Westpark Dr, great BBQ and regional "Louis-exican", try the Po-Boys or the crab/shrimp campechana seafood cocktail. OR, Drexler's World Famous BBQ, 2020 Dowling St, owned by Clyde The Glide's older brother James, features old school pit-smoked BBQ. OR, Kim Son, 2001 Jefferson St, ornate Vietnamese dining. OR, Hofbrau, 1803 N Shepard Dr, old school steakhouse with TX longhorn decor, good martinis, good service. OR, La Mexicana, 1018 Fairview St, authentic Mexican, great Mex breakfast too. Emeril recommends the downhome food at Avalon Diner (3285 Southwest Fwy), as well as Buffalo Grill (3116 Bissonnet St). Tracy likes the BBQ at Luther's BBQ.